Husband Encouragement Challenge - Day 5

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for
necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Eph. 4:29

Another verse I have been so convicted by during this challenge. It is said that we since we have two ears and only one mouth, we should be listening twice the time we are talking. Have you ever tried to practice that? Perhaps for those of you who are naturally reserved in speech or shy and quiet that isn't such a difficult feat, but for those of you like me, who have been since gradeschool...as printed on numerous papers by the English teachers..."verbose", listening instead of talking is a challenge indeed!

So as Day 5 came and went, and through this challenge, I have sought to become a better listener. I still stumble and I still tend to be rather talkative, but bad habits are not always easily broken and good habits take time to solidify! So if this is you, I encourage you to keep trying. You may not be all that interested in what your husband says or perhaps you'd like to interject so many useful and "wise" things to enhance the conversation...but alas, let us learn to use our ears more than our mouths and listen to not only our husbands, but many others around us!

God bless and take care!

Husband Encouragement Challenge - Day 3

Just a disclaimer before I launch into the blog...this blog is really a transparent look into my heart. One that leaves me spiritually bare and vulnerable. I pray that my testimony will be an encouragement and point back to the Truth of our Savior. All that I have written here is written with that spirit! May it also be received that way.

"Love suffers long, and is kind." (1 Corinthians 13:4a)

"My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19)

It has been difficult for me to practically apply these verses in my marriage. So often, I think when we vow "for better or worse" we really only mean "for better" and when we discover that the spouse we married is a sinner...well...we all have not so loving reactions to the discovery that in hindsight, really should have been plain to us from the beginning. Somehow I thought my husband would sin, but would discover it immediately, repent of it humbly, and always be on the perfect path toward righteousness. I also thought that God would use him to meet all my needs! So when my husband wasn't behaving as I expected and didn't meet my needs like I thought, I felt despair and disappointment in ways I never expected. It's almost laughable when I put in writing, but not so laughable in reality. And so began my journey in seeking a new set of eyes by which to see my husband and our marriage...a vision that has been greatly shaped by verses like these!

Love suffers long and is kind. I have been so prone to taking what could be classified as minor offenses and making the biggest deal out of them. I have taken offense at so many things that, in the big picture, are not that important and honestly, could have been overlooked had I been in a different mood at the time of offense. But you may be saying to yourself..."What about the "big" offenses, Shannon?" What about them? What about when our husbands are not godly upstanding men as they should be? What does patient love look like then? It looks like a wife, taking God's word at face value, regardless of the circumstances. Circumstances never change the Truth. Circumstances never determine whether or not I am patient or not in my love for my husband.

The thing I think most women in difficult marriages find so repulsive is their own notion of "love". It is not beyond my understanding to see how it is impossible to have warm, endearing feelings toward a husband that is ill-treating his wife, perhaps unfaithful, deceptive, abusive, and the like. Loving him does NOT equate to affirming the sin in his life and sometimes, it means holding him accountable for those sins and putting up appropriate boundaries. In my marriage, I had to realize that "love" had to take on a new definition. It was no longer the warm, fuzzy feelings for him that defined my "love". It was action. Acts of kindness, acts of my will to forgive and no longer hold him to the fire for mistakes, acts that conveyed his needs were more important than mine.

There is no doubt that a marriage is most blessed when TWO people operate on the same basis - the same biblical definition of love. But I think we often miss so much blessing when wait to operate that way or worse yet, refuse to operate that way, because our husbands do not! For I know that scripture teaches that God uses the demeanor of a godly wife to woo the wayward husband to Himself. How dare we think so much of our own "rights" and "needs" that we remove the tool God may use to woo His creation, our husbands, unto a righteous relationship!

This brings me to my next point. The other aspect I struggled with was having my needs met. I wanted to believe that the Lord supplied all my needs, but so often I had a plan and an expectation for how the Lord would choose to meet those needs. I had a time frame and a deadline for the Lord's action. A bit arrogant, wouldn't you say? A bit full of myself, would you agree? It was grotesque to think of how impatient and indignant I would be that I would need to feel loved, yet the Lord would not cause my husband to love me with the kind of love the Lord commands in His word. It was especially terrible to think of how a double standard crept into my heart. I would want my husband to meet my needs, unconditionally. Yet, I would not want to return that for him. I only wanted to give when he gave. I only wanted to love when he loved. I only wanted to work when he worked. But I expected such a different attitude and behavior from my husband. - Despicable!

So ladies, the truth is, no matter who we married, we are given commands about how we are to love...how we are to trust. We love unselfishly and expect that our needs are met only through Jesus Christ. We trust Him to love us and clothe us and feed us...even when our earthly husbands do not. Can we do that? Not without the Lord empowering us to do so. Not without being transformed by the renewing of our minds. Not without doing away with our old thinking and implanting the Lord's Truth in our minds and hearts!

May each of you allow into your heart the principles of these verses and others that help us to love and serve our husbands and truly give godly encouragement to the men we married! God bless you!!

Husband Encouragement Challenge - Day 2

Through love serve one another. - Galatians 5:31

Ah...love...so often equated to the flutter of emotions that rushed through our bodies when we first found ourselves attracted to the man we now call husband... Love that would sway us, cause us to daydream, and catch our breath... Love that would keep us going on very few hours of sleep having given those hours to long phone conversations with our beloved.

But alas, every bride finds herself, eventually, at a place where that kind of "love" fades. Of course, it was not love to begin with...sorry to burst any bubble you may have still had, but that rush was simply chemistry. Love...is something else altogether.

The Lord defines love as patient, kind, not jealous, does not brag, is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly, does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, and never failing. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

I don't know about you, but I know for sure that when I look at THAT definition of love, I find it difficult to turn to my husband, and with the same tenderness say, "I love you." I can't live up to THAT! I've discovered that marriage has shown me how IMpatient I am, how UNkind I am, how jealous I am, how arrogant I am, how unbecomingly I act, how much I seek my own, how easily provoked I can be, and can we stop for a minute and review the pages of injustices I have kept?... I don't bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things and all I come to is the discouragement of ABSOLUTE FAILURE!!

But let's not stop here, ladies. We're not hopeless and failure is not the end of our stories. Truly, I say to you, this challenge of encouraging our husbands is about seeking the source of all strength, all hope, all endurance, all belief and all VICTORY!! - JESUS CHRIST!!

I personally can find many things to praise my husband for in the area of serving our family. That may not be the case for you. But either way, I would encourage you to take this verse from Galatians and allow the Lord to show you how YOU can serve your husband...how YOU can demonstrate the love given you by the Savior and lavish on him.

Remember...We are completely depraved. There is nothing good in us apart from Jesus and yet He lavished His love on us through the cross of Calvary. He endured the most wretched of circumstances to extend His love for us. Now, while none of us are Jesus, we ALL (who have Him as Lord and Savior) are His creation and have been given everything we need to accomplish the good works that He set for us to do before He even laid the foundations of the earth. (Eph 2:10, Phil 1:6, Phil 2:13) Your husband may not deserve a back rub today. Your husband may not deserve an extra special dinner. You may desperately want his help with the house today even though it would be his only day to watch the game he taped last weekend. But what are you going to do to reflect the sacrificial, agape love of Jesus Christ today? What kind of selflessness are you going to show? What undeserved kindness? How much of that record of wrongs are you willing to expunge?

It's not impossible ladies - ALL things are possible with Christ who strengthens us! But now is the time to die to your SELF and live for Christ!! And ultimately it is the Lord we are serving when we serve our earthly husbands, worthy or not. So let's set out today with a heart of love that reveals itself through godly service! May you be blessed and may our Lord reap all the glory!!

Husband Encouragement Challenge - Day 1

The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. – Proverbs 31:11-12

Let us depart from the traditional application of this verse to the earthly married couple and remember a couple of other applications as well. First, the single woman with a heart that perhaps one day she will be married carries the responsibility to remember in her words, thoughts and deeds of today, the husband that the Lord may provide tomorrow. Does her life today reflect and honor to do good and not evil for the husband who may be in her future? Is she keeping herself spiritually and physically pure? Does she cave into cultural pressures to man-bash or discount the authority and responsibilities of the men around her? Is she building a character of trust-worthiness that will carry over into her marriage? Those are all things that a single woman who takes the commands of God seriously can take away with her from this verse of scripture.

Second, any daughter of the Lord is a bride of Christ Himself. Does she remember that her Heavenly Husband deserves the offerings of trustworthiness and devotion as well and more so than any earthly husband? My prayer is that is that this is a realization for each one of us.

So ladies, as we are encouraging our husbands, let us remember that this challenge is about allowing the Lord Jesus to work in OUR hearts – to change US! Even the most lost of husbands are not beyond the reach of the Lord, and what a precious instrument He would have in His hand when He possesses a godly wife, wholly submitted to Him, loving Him and obeying His commands – allowing her character to be refined and her heart molded to the likeness of her Savior! May His hand be on all of us!!

Life - My Eternal Investment Portfolio

I guess it is just one of those times where I want to sit down and be reflective. Life, overall, is pretty good. I honestly can't complain. I am so blessed to have a wonderful husband, who does so much to serve us and bless us, a man who has such a caring heart! I have a son who is amazing and keeps me on my toes! I am blessed that, despite much of the economic turmoil, my job is not yet in jeopardy. I have an amazing home business that is growing. I have a beautiful body of believers with whom I worship every Sunday and most every Wednesday. And the Lord has given me dear friends with whom I can do life!

Does this mean that life is all roses? By no means! But again...I have little to nothing to complain about!

So as I've been thinking about life and thinking about what my life would mean if it were over today...I still find that despite many of my activities and investments, I am disappointed at the measurement I see eternally.

So I count the blessings in my life and turn my thinking toward how it is that I could expand my "eternal investment portfolio". :) Go figure, but this thought process actually began when I purchased a documentary that, unknowingly to me, was about a Mormon missionary to Tonga. (I thought it was a Christian missionary.) So after seeing the way this missionary was so dedicated to the mission of spreading Mormonism (NOTE: I believe the Mormon religion to be a cult and not a true gospel of Jesus Christ.), I began to evaluate my own vigor at sharing the Truth with MY mission field. I don't need to go to Tonga or across the world to share Jesus. I asked myself if I was dedicated to sharing Him here. I was disappointed at the recollection of how many times I had shared my testimony or shared the gospel with the many people I come into contact with. So as I thought about those in my immediate area, I knew one of the things that would expand that territory would be learning Spanish. If I was to, just as the Mormons do, go door to door and share my faith, I knew that there would be many on the other side of that door that wouldn't know how to speak English very well. And if I wanted to reach them with the gospel, I would need to be able to speak at least some Spanish.

I have been excited about my nightly Spanish grammar lessons. I have online resources that help me to know whether or not my pronunciation is accurate (at least for the most part). And I have numerous library resources. I'm also very excited about picking up my bilingual bible this weekend!! It is so encouraging to have a passion kindled in my heart. I haven't been one to consider myself much of an evangelist...but I am an encourager. However, I do not believe any Christian to be exempt from sharing the gospel and making disciples of those the Lord saves! The Lord has given me a heart for my community, so while I'm learning Spanish and getting acquainted with the bilingual bible text, I will be following in Nehemiah's footsteps and engaging in prayer. Prayer as to how the Lord would have the walls of my apartment complex rebuilt...the walls of my city rebuilt...the walls of the county rebuilt...the state...and this great country.

I am amazed at how the Lord uses just one person to touch the world in so many biblical examples...I want my eternal investment portfolio to be something that leaves a legacy for my Savior. I want something to bring to His feet when I finally spend eternity with Him. I want to know that I didn't stop at minimum wages or minimal efforts. I want to know that my life truly and deeply reflected a heart for Him, a dedication to Him, and a legacy of Him!

I guess that would be my random thought process for the day...my little jaunt through the pages of the current chapter of my life...

God bless you!

Will Over The Heart

Something I strive for as a Christian is to avoid being controlled by emotions. Emotions do not rule in this heart...at least not all the time.

I admit I struggle with this more often than I would like to struggle. I find it difficult at times to keep my wits about me in the midst of welling emotions that rage beneath the surface of an otherwise calm exterior. Today was such a day.

It seemed that everything was out to annoy me, and I do mean EVERYTHING. From the oversleeping rush when I stepped out of bed, to the clothes that weren't folded, to the child that didn't think it was a good time to be obedient, to the things on the kitchen counter that no matter where I placed them, seemed to fall to the floor, to the leaking items in the refrigerator, to the medicine that was suddenly uncooperative in being cut in half for appropriate dosage, to the keys that could not be found, to the purse that was saturated with the orange drink from last night, to the .... I could go on, but I think you got the point a few phrases back...thank you for letting me vent!

In and of themselves, these trivial items are so insignificant and what does it really matter? I think it doesn't. Yet, several times I found myself going into my room, sitting on the bed and waiting for tears to come to relieve the anger I felt. I was frustrated and couldn't seem to move the frustration away from myself. I even scared my dog!

So here I am at the end of the day, thinking back over my choices. See, a while back, I realized that these "bad days" were a matter of choice. Granted, that choice was rather difficult to make today, but it was nonetheless a choice still! I regret that I failed to make the better choice sooner, but I guess "better late than never" ? ;)

Come on...laugh with me!

So by the time I left church today, I was on the upswing, and attempting to live out that choice of a better attitude and while my feelings didn't follow immediately, they did eventually follow. I think we women tend to get trapped there. When we do not see immediate emotion change, we give up on the attempt and move on to another strategy. What we can often miss is that, given some time, our emotions can catch up to our choices. Forgiveness, attitude, generosity, kindness, patience...all kinds of things we know we "ought" to "feel", are often a matter of choice that, given time, will change our feelings. But we need to give ourselves that time and go on faith that we are making those right choices even when we have yet to reap emotional rewards.

So anyway, not sure if this made much sense to anyone reading it, but wanted to put it out there anyway! Emotions do not rule unless you let them. So let's recapture and tame the fleshly heart that would stear us into chaos and remember that our will can be exerted over the feelings of the moment. No matter what situation you find yourself in!

God bless and take care!

Staying the Course

As a Christian, do you ever find yourself "backsliding"? I have not yet met any Christian who claims not to have fallen down after beginning the journey of living out that relationship with Jesus. I am no exception!

So here I am - "backslidden" and not such a happy camper about it. Busyness is my biggest weak link in the chain of staying on course. As a wife, mother, employee, friend, and seemingly dozens of other "hats" worn throughout my day, it is more than easy to get caught up in busyness. In those times, I often lose sight of my priorities in the flurry of activities and "to-do lists". I miss out on the tender stillness of time spent in real fellowship with Jesus. My relationship with Him becomes just another thing to check off my list...even in those times I put it on the top of that list. Then, is it any wonder that I find myself far from the Lord, disconnected, and thirsty for the Living Water?

While I would love to give a solution for this pervasive problem, I have none. Staying the course, for me, has meant finding myself here, trying to pinpoint where I went awry, implementing protective hedges, and trying again. No magical wand, no one scripture to memorize, no one thing to "do better"...just the realization that I need to 1) be somewhere other than where I am and 2) be someone I can only be while in fellowship with the Lord Jesus. I have thought that perhaps I was missing something in my protective hedges, but the reality is, we have an enemy that studies us far more than I think we study him and he is clever at finding holes in our armor. In the end, the way to stay out of harms way is by seeking refuge in the Lord. Dying to self, dying to the fleshly nature at war within us, is a daily transformation!

So if you and I will stop right now and think about what today really is - a day of spiritual battling - will we get up and fight or are we going to lay down and play dead? If you are anything like me, you'd rather lay down. It takes effort to do battle. It takes stamina to do battle. It takes a willingness to stay the course. Are we willing? Can we stop in our tracks, no matter how comfortable the deviation, and return to the right course? For both our sake's, I pray so!

God bless each of you and may we all stay on course today!!

Hebrews 10:19-23

Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

Being a Big Girl

I've been listening to a Mary Kay CD by Gloria Mayfield recently, and something she said has really struck me. She talked about making "Big Girl Decisions". Decisions about attitude and outlook and activities. Decisions about business, but also about life. In addition, I've been reflecting on Proberbs 31:10-31, the passage about being a wife of noble character. The proverbs 31 wife is a definitely a "big girl". But where is the application of "being a big girl"...I mean, doesn't that come with age. I'm 30, so you would think I would know how to think and act like a "big girl". But I'm beginning to think it is a little more complicated than just aging.

Proverbs 31 definitely doesn't mention anything about age...it talks about her actions, her reputation, and her attitude! And while it is a pretty "heavy" resume, I think the Lord wants us to be the kind of woman we find in proverbs 31: hardworking, confident, service-minded, charitable, wise, discerning, fearless, industrious, dignified, strong, carrying a sense of humor, and reverent. I don't see that as impossible for any women! But we will not, dare I say "cannot", exemplify any of those things without maturing beyond "little girl" attitudes and behaviors.

I can look back over my life and see where I was wounded as a little girl and it "handicapped" me growing into adulthood. When we are wounded as children, we have to recognize the hurt, deal with it and allow the Lord to heal us so that we can continue on in this life in a healthy manner. I've come to see that I'm still working on this process. Lately, I have not felt like much of a "big girl". Internally, I am throwing some serious "fits" as of late! Struggling with selfishness, pride, and all kinds of heart ugliness! :( And while I didn't recognize it at first, I am beginning to see this as the Lord pulling back some more layers in my life to reveal areas in which He longs to heal and change, restore and renew. I have to say though...I'm not really liking it. Growing up is hard to do!

I've had to make all kinds of "big girl decisions" lately. Decisions about my attitude and whether or not I'm going to let a "bad moment" become a "bad day". Decisions about whether I'm going to do the things I need to do on a daily basis or give excuses as to why I can't. Decisions about whether or not I will whine or complain. Decisions about how I care for and care about those around me. Decisions about money and time. Decisions about words. So many decisions that I have to admit, it has been rather overwhleming. But really, it's all part of my "big girl" life now. I'm not a little girl anymore (and haven't been for some time now). lol

Do you ever feel like that? Like you'd much rather throw a little girl fit than walk upright and make your big girl decision for the moment? Do you ever find yourself NOT biting your tongue and holding back those choice words that flow so easily from the dagger in your mouth to the heart of your husband, child or friend? Do you ever find yourself pouting or creating drama just because someone did something and your feelings are hurt? I think it's time we all recognize our "little girl" tendencies and grow up to be the "big girls" we really are!!

God bless you and may we all be a little more like "Big Girls" today!

The Graces of Motherhood

I've been reflecting lately on my job as a mother. I have so many blessings that have helped me as of late: my employer granting me a new schedule, tons of resources and testimonies, and most of all, the Lord Himself! All things are working together for the good of parenting my son! It's amazing to see how much he's grown. He'll be six years old at the end of this year! Six years have flown by, and I admit I am ashamed that more of those years than not, have been less than intentional when it comes to parenting (training my son up in what I know to be biblical in nature). Yet, after two and a half years of learning what it means to be intentional, I am so blessed to know I'm on the right track to really getting to the heart of parenting...leaving a Christ-centered legacy.

What does that legacy mean? It means I am to teach and train, but most of all - MODEL my relationship with Christ in front of my children. When I do that, I am investing scripture, behavior examples, and valuable life skills for my son to carry with him throughout the rest of his life. At the end of each day, I want to lay my head on the pillow knowing that I did what I could to show him what Jesus is like and how the relationship with Jesus works in the day-to-day. What an incredibly difficult and challenging job! One I could never, in a million years, get even close to right without Jesus' power driving me on every day!

The latest victory was one where Jonathan decided to throw a particularly terrible fit. I thank the Lord that I not only seemed calmed and peaceful through the whole ordeal - I actually WAS calm and peaceful through the whole ordeal!! I was able to use some recently acquired skills and tips in helping him see that he was choosing to do the wrong thing. The whole thing lasted well over an hour, but ended with my son repenting and accepting the consequences for his actions. It was truly a beautiful thing! What used to end with both of us in tears and frustration, ended with smiles and a new beginning! Not because I'm some kind of super-mom, but because God is empowering me to be intentional, consistent, and patient. The Lord has put wise people in my path and great parenting resources based on His word in my hands. But most of all, the Lord has given me grace to make it thus far!! Five and half years of tantrums. Years of tears and frustration and disappointment...feeling like a failure as a mom. And now, by grace...I'm learning and making progress.

Is it perfect? Oh my - no way!!! Is it even close? Nope! But I can see changes in my household's peace level. I see a son who is becoming more and more willing to take ownership for his actions and to say he's sorry. A son who is learning that making bad choices hurts - sin hurts!! And I love it. I love seeing the progress.

For any mom who has come to the end of herself, to the end of patience, to the end of sanity! I know that feeling. I know how discouraging it can be to feel like what you're doing isn't making a bit of difference. To think that if another day like this comes any time soon, you just won't make it and your child probably won't either! But I've learned that there is ALWAYS HOPE!! There is always more to learn, more to apply, and an abundance of strength and patience to recieve for the job at hand.

But I've also learned, that you can't do any of it without grace. Without giving yourself room to be imperfect, or heaven forbid - outright fail! Giving yourself room to mess up without being convinced that somehow your kid will be messed up for life becuase you didn't play out a particular scene with Super-Nanny flawlessness will go a long way in helping you keep your chin up, your eyes a bit drier, and your heart a little less burdened. And when you receive grace, you are so much more likely to GIVE grace! Which is a key ingredient in training our children!

Parenting is too hard a job to try to do it without grace, so please stop going that route if you are. Be the best you can be, but let God do the hard part. Just be available to Him to be used to your full, God-given parenting potential!! It's really the laws of the harvest. We reap WHAT we sow. We reap WHERE we sow. We reap MORE than we sow. We reap LATER than we sow. If you invest in your children the righteousness of Christ, you will, by promise of the Lord, be blessed. You will see more than you ever invested blossom in their lives! But patience is key...it's a long wait sometimes. Perhaps days, weeks, months or even years. But keep it all in perspective...think eternally and you will find that there is so much more joy to be had in motherhood!!

Defining Faith

2 Corinthians 5:7 "For we walk by faith, not by sight".

Faith is choosing to live as though the bible were true, regardless of circumstances, emotions or cultural trends. Do you walk by faith? Or are you making choices based on the circumstances you find yourself in, the emotions rumbling around in your heart, or are you unknowingly influenced by the culture of today? Scripture carries a stern warning for those who try to walk without faith.

Hebrews 11:6 "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

Without faith it is IMPOSSIBLE!!! to please God. God takes no pleasure in us figuring it all out and trying to make choices and live our lives based on how we feel or what we can see about our circumstances. He most certainly is not a god who takes pleasure in the "blind leading the blind" when it comes to culture. Faith is the key to living the Christian life! When we exercise faith and believe He can do the impossible, overcome the improbable, and make a way where there is none, we give Him glory without the detracting note of human ability or human contribution. He loves and commands us to walk by faith!

So that bears the question - am I walking by faith today?....are YOU walking by faith today? Are we choosing to believe the truth of scripture despite how we feel, despite the circumstances we are experiencing and despite what the world around us is saying? If not, why not? Let's start now.

His finest blessings to all of you.

~Shannon