So you might have seen the movie Fireproof. It was an incredible movie for both me and my husband. It has served as a reminder that love is work. A marriage doesn't thrive on chemistry; it's nourished by consistent godly actions by each spouse. If you want a great marriage, you have to work at it. No one has a great marriage otherwise.
In thinking about what I could do to celebrate Valentines Day for my husband, I purchased the book from the Fireproof movie - The Love Dare. It is 40 days of applying the reality of what love really is...the means by which the Lord intended for us to love our spouses. I admit, even though I think Shea and I are doing pretty well in our first year of marriage, this was a daunting dare. I have learned just how selfish I can be since I got married. I have discovered levels of pride and selfishness that I never knew I had. So just being married has pushed me to new levels of character refinement, but this book promised to dig even deeper. That was a bit scary. Yet, since I knew that the rewards of following the Lord's plan were always worth it, I moved forward.
I gave my husband his Valentine gift, letting him know that I am going to spend the next 40 days seeking to love him like Jesus.
Day 1 was pretty simple (at least I thought). The dare was to not say anything negative to your spouse. Throughout the day, I had to bite my tongue pretty hard. Reflecting on it, the things that came up were not because Shea had done something terrible, but they were times when selfishness reared its ugly head. The first instance was about control. We had made an agreement about a purchase and when it was not honored (by $3 measly dollars), I wanted to blow a gasket. The $3 wasn't going to break our budget, I promise! I simply wanted to control the situation and when I couldn't, I got mad. But I bit my tongue and avoided the negative stream of words waiting to burst forth from my mouth. Next, I was on my way home from my Saturday morning activities, fully expecting my husband to have been up and taking care of the brakes on his jeep (as we agreed). Disappointed, at 1pm, my husband was just getting out of bed. Never mind that he got home from work the night before at 5am that morning and it was Saturday...he wasn't following the plan. But again, I bit my tongue. So then, after the brakes were done and I was in the kitchen cleaning, I felt the rise of complaint once again. Why in the world was my husband sitting on the couch while I was working so hard to get the house clean for the night? Why wasn't he offering to help me? (Did I ask him? No.) But I was still mad that he wasn't reading my mind and helping me, cause he wasn't blind or stupid. He could see what I was doing!
Alas, I discovered that my selfishness is still there in full force, but I discovered that I do not have to act on it. I do not have to voice those things, and it's better when I hold my tongue. My husband helps me a lot and works very hard to do what he needs to do. He works overtime to make sure we have all we need and then some, so $3 isn't anything to be upset over. With as much as he works, he gets very little time to sit and be idle...and I mean very little time. So to be "up in arms" over him sleeping in a little or a 15 minute rest on the couch is a bit ridiculous on my part. It was good to hold back. It helped me to show my husband that he can be imperfect and that I can let go of my desire to control everything and everyone around me without dire consequences.
I didn't get to see my husband for Day 2 because he had to work later than planned, but today's challenge is to do something unexpected as an act of kindness and to buy him something that says "I'm thinking about you". Not sure what I'll buy, but I have my act of kindness ready to go!
So I hope if you've read this, you've been inspired to love the ones around you today. If, like me, you can easily let the criticism roll off your tongue, bite down hard! :) And if you haven't done something random as a way of showing those around you that you care...get a little out of the norm today and let them know "I love you".
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