Love is not rude - today's dare was to ask my husband to tell me three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with me. At first, he laughed. He had to think pretty hard. Not sure that necessarily reflected positively on me more than it showed that my husband is just not by nature a critical person. (I love him for that!)
But he did manage to come up with a couple of things, which I expanded to three specifics that I can seek to work on in order to love my husband in a way that is not rude. First, I put my husband on the spot with questions that require a great deal of thought and I often do that at inopportune times. Over the phone, while he's at work, is not a good time to bring up something and expect an answer. Now, thankfully, I do not expect an answer when I ask those types of questions. His sharing this with me has helped me see that a little bit of change in the way I ask, can communicate to my husband that I would like to discuss it at some point, without making him feel like he has to deliver a well-thought out response right there, right then. So I'll be working on that.
Secondly, my husband noted my negativity, especially toward myself. I have been struggling with my weight and my eating habits and have voiced my displeasure in pretty harsh ways. There was even a point at which I shut down his positive input for the sake of my negative rant. He said that is pretty uncomfortable and irritating. He's trying to love me and encourage me and I'm harshly refusing for the sake of my own pity party. Yikes...pretty rude!
Lastly, I pulled out of what he was saying that I'm not a very good listener. He and I have talked about that recently because we both struggle with empathizing and communicating empathy to one another. So listening is something we've been working on as of late. Repeating back things so that the other person knows we received the message he/she meant to communicate. We're still working on that and me, well, I still have a long way to go in communicating I am on my husband's team, I support him, and I hear exactly what he's saying.
So in my 40 day endeavor to develop better "love" habits, day 5 has given me some specific ways in which I can demonstrate love without rudeness. Love that is thoughtful and considerate of my husband, instead of selfish and self-centered. This love dare thing is pretty cool!!
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