Depression

I seem to find myself in an unwanted, unintended place: depressed. It's been difficult to even concede that point, but it's true. The difficulty lies in the thinking that I do not really have a good reason to be depressed. There is so much to be joyful and happy about. But therein lies my problem. I haven't been thinking about the things that are joyful and happy. My mind and my spirit have been "blah" for so long, my emotions are finally there too!

So what does a person do when he or she finds that depression has gripped the heart? Stop. Evaluate. and Plan. (or so says me!) :)

Knowing myself and the very long history I have had with mild, moderate and severe depression, I have come up with some coping and healing tools along the way to keep myself from going too far down the slippery slope of depression. If I act quickly when I begin to enter into depression, I usually pull out of it very quickly. (Note: What I'm writing here may not work for other people, especially not in cases of moderate or severe depression.) First, I have to admit that there is a problem. Very often, I am prone to passing it off as being tired, busy, ill, stressed...whatever label seems better than "depressed". But I do know the difference if I am willing to really stop in my tracks and take an assessment of what is really going on with me. My depression comes across as fatigue, emotional instability, high levels of irritability, unnamed illness, and detachment and withdrawal from otherwise stable and loving relationships. Any individual thing and I might be able to say it isn't depression, but I simply can't avoid it when they are all present simultaneously.

So what now? I ask myself "why?" and "how did I get here?". It is usually traced to my spiritual condition at the time. When I let sin run rampant in my life, all the symptoms of depression come surging in. Not always, but usually that is the case. This time? Definitely a case of detachment from the Lord. Distance arose from unrepented of pride, selfishness, idolatry, unrighteous anger, etc. The more I allowed my sin to go unrepented of, the more guilt weighed on my mind and heart. The irritability goes up and I begin to withdraw from my relationships. I begin the path of emotional instability. This heaps on more guilt - so now there is such a mixture between real and false guilt, I'm not sure where to start. To avoid dealing with it, I begin to over commit and get really busy. I talk down to myself, and find myself upset with others for little to no reason at all. I don't pray. I can't read my bible. I can't hear the Lord's voice. I don't want to be in church. I hate feeling to far from the Lord, but feel too guilty to reach out to Him. Emotionally and physically, I get exhausted! And low and behold I find myself in a deep pit of depression. Tired, weary, worn out, and wishing I could rewind time or at least just stop it for a bit.

Now on the outside, everything looks pretty normal. I know my husband and son feel like something is off, but it's pretty easy to dismiss it to something else rather than depression or a spiritual desert. People around me see me as happy and fine. Life seems just fine...But inside, I know I'm a wilted flower, browned and near lifeless.

So what's the plan? How do I get out of this? First, I take action on my sin. I pray for the Lord's help in determining the difference between real and false guilt. I attribute sin to sin and other guilty feelings to false thinking. I ask the Lord to forgive me, trusting that even when I don't "feel" forgiven, I am because the bible says so! I find encouraging verses about God's character and how He sees me as his daughter. I ask the Lord how to hedge myself protectively against going right back into those sins. What decision or thought led me into that sin in the first place? Then I decide to act differently the next time. But what seems to be most important is to begin to dwell on good things. It's hard to be depressed when you are listing your blessings and thanking the Lord for the abundant life you are leading. It's hard to feel down when you begin to see all the good things about life instead of the bad. It's hard not to be drawn to the Lord when you see his goodness, his holiness, his love, his mercy and justice. I cut out the negative media - TV, news, etc. And increase the positive inflow of media - my local Christian radio station, inspirational CD's and movies. There is still something to be said about the human application of GIGO (garbage in, garbage out).

Left to go long term, mild and short bouts of depression can lead to a much greater difficulty and even chemical imbalances. It is important that we take steps to realize when things are going "off key" and do something about it. I used to ignore these symptoms and I spent years using one therapeutic medication or method after another. Now, again, that's not to say that sometimes, some people need something other than a good introspective session or counseling, but for many of us, we just need to slow down, pay attention to what is going on and humble ourselves before the Lord.

For me, it is absolutely key to my mental and emotional state to keep my spiritual affairs in order. To deal with sin quickly and to mentally dwell on things that are good. So I leave you with this encouragement from the Word: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - Phil 4:8. Because after all...we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. (Romans 12:2) Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks (Matt 12:34).

God bless and keep you all walking the narrow path - joyfully. May you be renewed and think on things true, noble, right and pure!