Hearing Him

After a stressful week, I found Saturday to be an incredible day of blessing from my Father! Our church held a women's conference this past Saturday and although I didn't think I would be able to go, at the last minute, I was able to go.

As the day began, the Holy Spirit began to move in such amazing ways. It is rare that I experience the Lord so intimately in such a public venue, but despite being surrounded by hundreds of other women, I might as well have been the only woman in the room. As the women began to share through worship music and their testimonies, the Lord began to speak to my heart. As you may know from my previous blogs, I have kept no secret of my deep and persistent struggling with compulsive overeating. This persistent sin has created a barrier between me and Lord and there are obvious and severe health concerns that come from it as well. And the Lord began speaking to me about this particular issue. One that I have prayed and prayed and tried and tried and tried and tried to remedy...fix...correct...get rid of...compensate for...I just wanted to be free.

Songs began to speak about the Lord's might...how He conquered sin and death.

Testimonies began to speak about freedom and hope that come from faith.

Words would jump out from so many places to say, "I have already set you free." "The bondage is an allusion...a lie that the truth can and has already shattered." "Hold on and don't give up on the Lord - He is the solution." And yet "give up" - "give up your own will and your own effort to solve your sin problem...what is impossible with man is possible with God."

I think the most poignant moment for me came toward the end when I began to look at the card board signs that held brief statements of the testimonies of each lady that was a part of the Journey of Sisters. Words began to jump out and as I wrote them down, I knew the Lord the was saying that these words were just for me:

RESTORED

FREED

HEALED

VICTORIOUS

KNOW/KNOWN

ADOPTED

CONSUMED

ON FIRE

BEAUTIFUL

WRAPPED

RECLAIMED

LIVING

REJOICING

VALIDATED

FOUND

ENABLED!

These words were incredible to me and spoke volumes to me. As I meditated on what each word meant to my heart, I was refreshed in ways I could hardly explain. I felt like the Samaritan woman at the well...carrying with me the labels, the hardness of life, the baggage of sin and a "past" I could not release...and I found living water! No more would I be thirsty because I had something everlasting!

I received that everlasting water at the point I was saved, but this reminder...this intimate moment with my Jesus...was telling me that I am free...I was not in a prison, except by my own choice. Somehow, if I gave up my efforts and laid it at the cross...this besetting sin would be gone! This heavy, burdensome chain would fall off and the doors to my prison would open!

I don't know that I'm completely walking in the grace I received in abundance on Saturday, but I have vowed that each day, step by step, I would do whatever I could, whatever my part to stop "trying hard" and just surrender myself to the grace...by grace I would stop living to eat...and only eat to live!

Father, you never fail to amaze me with your love! You never fail to show me how precious I am to you, although I bring no worth in and of myself. I love how you love me, and because you have rescued me, I am happy to give you my life and surrender to the process of being made like your Son! Thank you for choosing me! Thank you for being my all! Thank you for meeting me where I am! You are AWESOME, Lord!!! Beyond words...you are AWESOME!!