Although I have not ever completed reading James Dobson’s book The Strong Willed Child, I am certain I have a strong willed child! I receive almost daily confirmation of this assessment. Today was no different.
It started off as a pretty normal day. Morning routine, school routine and pick up routine all seemed to be in order. However, I needed to make a stop at Wal-Mart for a couple of things. Let me interject into this part of the story that previously (Monday to be exact), I have given my son his allowance. It has gone from an occasional dollar or two here and there to a regular, once a week allowance of five dollars. That is a lot for a 5 year old, I know. But a dollar doesn’t buy much of anything and at least with $5, he can get something each week or save for something he really wants in a short period of time. The idea is simply to get him to start learning about money. So back on track we go at the point of entering Wal-Mart.
Now Jonathan already knows exactly what he wants to spend his money on. He wants a light saber…the star wars kind. He already has three that he can play with from Christmas last year, but he wants a new one. So after the few things I needed to get, we head to the toy section. Jonathan hones in on the light sabers as if they had a homing beacon and announces that he has found his toy. One problem…
The toy costs more than $5.
As a parent, I am thinking this is a perfect teaching opportunity. I am going to help Jonathan understand what it means to save and work toward a goal. As a child, Jonathan sees only one thing…a light saber and he wants it now.
What I thought would be a “teachable moment” turned into (and please understand I am not in the slightest exaggerating) an hour long fit on the floors of Wal-Mart. First, my son threw himself on the floor in front of the display of star wars items. I thought it would be short-lived and so I began to walk away. At which point, my son did follow me. Only to plop himself down again two isles over. After I left him on the floor throwing the beginning of this fit, he decided to go back to the star wars isle. Then, I picked his very heavy 75+ lbs up and put him in the cart.
I proceeded to the check out, weaving my cart through crowds of onlookers enjoying the spectacle taking place in my shopping cart. The noise level was ridiculous. My red-faced, visibly distraught son, was bouncing up and down in the cart, screaming at the top of his lungs that he wanted out and he wanted his light saber. At the check out stand, I had had enough. He was about to fall out of the cart and hurt himself, so I did what I thought any sensible mom would do. I left my items in the cart at the check out stand, picked up my son and headed for the car, intending to go home and straighten this mess out in a forum less public.
I made it to the front of the store.
I did mention this kid weighs over 75 pounds right?
So I about lost my grip on him near the front door and put him down. He was still hollering, but what happened next was worse! He ran for it!
Through the masses, my short, stout little boy made a mad dash for the clothing section. His bright yellow shirt immediately blending in with the vast array of spring clothing just as brightly colored!
Good grief!! Now where did he go?
Thankfully, I found him perched under a clothing rack. I pulled him out and the next 30 minutes were a physical struggle of restraint. I couldn’t let the kid run around freely in Wal-Mart, but I sure did draw more of those spectators as I sat on the floor in the middle of the women’s clothing section with a little boy locked under my legs and arms as he continued to scream like no other and fight as if his life depended on it. I drew a myriad of looks from concerned, to condemning, to the few but so gracious moms that drew near to say “hang in there” and “you can do it, mom” “don’t give up”. Those who attempted to get through Jonathan's screaming were laughable though! They thought a complete stranger just might have an effect on him. I wish that were the case!!!
Just when I thought my arms and legs could no longer take the abuse of the struggling little monster that has replaced my son, he began to calm down. I sat still and held his profusely sweaty and hot little body as he continued to catch his own breath. I did my best to wipe the beads of sweat that drenched his face and shirt. I spoke gently and lovingly to help him regain his composure. Just when I thought we were on our way to ending the tirade, Jonathan got up and made a dash further into the store to the men’s clothing isles.
Again?
When I found him, I warned him that this had gone on too long and that we were leaving the store. If he chose to continue running and disobeying, I was going to have to spank him. At this point, I had spent 30 plus minutes avoiding the spanking thing…but I had nothing left in my parental arsenal of consequences for this wild and knowingly disobedient behavior. Now, I was desperate enough to either call my husband away from work or call the police. (yes, I’m quite serious). However, three or four rounds with the spanking and finally my son, albeit crying and still not going all that quietly, was marching toward the door.
My emotional and physical strength completely gone, I put him on the bench near the front of the store and sat down to catch my own breath. What a wrestling match!! He continued whining and crying and still testing me. He said he was thirsty and wanted juice. I told him he could have water. When I (again) did not give in, I think it FINALLY clicked with him that I had won the battle of the wills.
Oh my goodness!
An hour of torture in the middle of Wal-Mart and he finally conceded that I was worthy to be his mother! He walked as nicely as could be to the check register where we found my cart still sitting with my items in it. We got a bottle of water for him to drink and he didn’t even put up much of a fight when I told him no when asked if he could have a toy car found in the register isle. (Darn those advertisers and their impulse buy displays!!)
Walking to the car, I couldn’t believe we had seriously spent the last hour doing what we had done. I wondered if round three would start when we went home and I had Jonathan return the $5 I had given him, which was still sitting in an envelope in his dresser drawer. To my surprise and to his credit, Jonathan remembered exactly what I said at Wal-Mart about his behavior and what would happen to his money and he gave it back without a fuss!
THANK YOU, LORD!!
After that, our night was pretty uneventful, but I have to say…I’m tired and am going to bed VERY SOON!!!
Before I wrap it up, let me tell you a couple of things I learned in this situation. One, our children are never too old to test our boundaries as parents, no matter how firm we think they have already been laid. We can either be parents at the cost of our dignity, pride, image and patience, or we can hurt our children by redrawing what used to be safe boundaries they only intended to test and not really move. By not conceding the case with my son, he understood there are still boundaries, there are still consequences for behavior, and there are still things mommy will not tolerate regardless of how much he pleads! Two, I learned that parenting is tough! A lesson I seem to have to learn daily. I would have liked to think the days of these kinds of fits were over at the age of five. I hate that it took such a horrid display in a public setting to get through to my son. However, as his mom, there are no forbidden territories that I will avoid if it means showing him he is loved and that there is safety in the rules he experiences! If that means physically and emotionally exhausting circumstances, then so be it! That is in my job description.
For those of you out there that are parents…I hope this is one of those times when you can feel like I did when those moms came by my horrendous display and said “Hang in there”. I am sure you experience times when your frustration is off the charts and your patience has run out and your body doesn’t want to fight for the role of parent anymore. But I want to tell you, “hang in there”. You CAN do it! Now, if you have an angel that does no wrong, please do us both a favor and avoid leaving such a comment in this blog!
Blessings to everyone!
~Shannon
It started off as a pretty normal day. Morning routine, school routine and pick up routine all seemed to be in order. However, I needed to make a stop at Wal-Mart for a couple of things. Let me interject into this part of the story that previously (Monday to be exact), I have given my son his allowance. It has gone from an occasional dollar or two here and there to a regular, once a week allowance of five dollars. That is a lot for a 5 year old, I know. But a dollar doesn’t buy much of anything and at least with $5, he can get something each week or save for something he really wants in a short period of time. The idea is simply to get him to start learning about money. So back on track we go at the point of entering Wal-Mart.
Now Jonathan already knows exactly what he wants to spend his money on. He wants a light saber…the star wars kind. He already has three that he can play with from Christmas last year, but he wants a new one. So after the few things I needed to get, we head to the toy section. Jonathan hones in on the light sabers as if they had a homing beacon and announces that he has found his toy. One problem…
The toy costs more than $5.
As a parent, I am thinking this is a perfect teaching opportunity. I am going to help Jonathan understand what it means to save and work toward a goal. As a child, Jonathan sees only one thing…a light saber and he wants it now.
What I thought would be a “teachable moment” turned into (and please understand I am not in the slightest exaggerating) an hour long fit on the floors of Wal-Mart. First, my son threw himself on the floor in front of the display of star wars items. I thought it would be short-lived and so I began to walk away. At which point, my son did follow me. Only to plop himself down again two isles over. After I left him on the floor throwing the beginning of this fit, he decided to go back to the star wars isle. Then, I picked his very heavy 75+ lbs up and put him in the cart.
I proceeded to the check out, weaving my cart through crowds of onlookers enjoying the spectacle taking place in my shopping cart. The noise level was ridiculous. My red-faced, visibly distraught son, was bouncing up and down in the cart, screaming at the top of his lungs that he wanted out and he wanted his light saber. At the check out stand, I had had enough. He was about to fall out of the cart and hurt himself, so I did what I thought any sensible mom would do. I left my items in the cart at the check out stand, picked up my son and headed for the car, intending to go home and straighten this mess out in a forum less public.
I made it to the front of the store.
I did mention this kid weighs over 75 pounds right?
So I about lost my grip on him near the front door and put him down. He was still hollering, but what happened next was worse! He ran for it!
Through the masses, my short, stout little boy made a mad dash for the clothing section. His bright yellow shirt immediately blending in with the vast array of spring clothing just as brightly colored!
Good grief!! Now where did he go?
Thankfully, I found him perched under a clothing rack. I pulled him out and the next 30 minutes were a physical struggle of restraint. I couldn’t let the kid run around freely in Wal-Mart, but I sure did draw more of those spectators as I sat on the floor in the middle of the women’s clothing section with a little boy locked under my legs and arms as he continued to scream like no other and fight as if his life depended on it. I drew a myriad of looks from concerned, to condemning, to the few but so gracious moms that drew near to say “hang in there” and “you can do it, mom” “don’t give up”. Those who attempted to get through Jonathan's screaming were laughable though! They thought a complete stranger just might have an effect on him. I wish that were the case!!!
Just when I thought my arms and legs could no longer take the abuse of the struggling little monster that has replaced my son, he began to calm down. I sat still and held his profusely sweaty and hot little body as he continued to catch his own breath. I did my best to wipe the beads of sweat that drenched his face and shirt. I spoke gently and lovingly to help him regain his composure. Just when I thought we were on our way to ending the tirade, Jonathan got up and made a dash further into the store to the men’s clothing isles.
Again?
When I found him, I warned him that this had gone on too long and that we were leaving the store. If he chose to continue running and disobeying, I was going to have to spank him. At this point, I had spent 30 plus minutes avoiding the spanking thing…but I had nothing left in my parental arsenal of consequences for this wild and knowingly disobedient behavior. Now, I was desperate enough to either call my husband away from work or call the police. (yes, I’m quite serious). However, three or four rounds with the spanking and finally my son, albeit crying and still not going all that quietly, was marching toward the door.
My emotional and physical strength completely gone, I put him on the bench near the front of the store and sat down to catch my own breath. What a wrestling match!! He continued whining and crying and still testing me. He said he was thirsty and wanted juice. I told him he could have water. When I (again) did not give in, I think it FINALLY clicked with him that I had won the battle of the wills.
Oh my goodness!
An hour of torture in the middle of Wal-Mart and he finally conceded that I was worthy to be his mother! He walked as nicely as could be to the check register where we found my cart still sitting with my items in it. We got a bottle of water for him to drink and he didn’t even put up much of a fight when I told him no when asked if he could have a toy car found in the register isle. (Darn those advertisers and their impulse buy displays!!)
Walking to the car, I couldn’t believe we had seriously spent the last hour doing what we had done. I wondered if round three would start when we went home and I had Jonathan return the $5 I had given him, which was still sitting in an envelope in his dresser drawer. To my surprise and to his credit, Jonathan remembered exactly what I said at Wal-Mart about his behavior and what would happen to his money and he gave it back without a fuss!
THANK YOU, LORD!!
After that, our night was pretty uneventful, but I have to say…I’m tired and am going to bed VERY SOON!!!
Before I wrap it up, let me tell you a couple of things I learned in this situation. One, our children are never too old to test our boundaries as parents, no matter how firm we think they have already been laid. We can either be parents at the cost of our dignity, pride, image and patience, or we can hurt our children by redrawing what used to be safe boundaries they only intended to test and not really move. By not conceding the case with my son, he understood there are still boundaries, there are still consequences for behavior, and there are still things mommy will not tolerate regardless of how much he pleads! Two, I learned that parenting is tough! A lesson I seem to have to learn daily. I would have liked to think the days of these kinds of fits were over at the age of five. I hate that it took such a horrid display in a public setting to get through to my son. However, as his mom, there are no forbidden territories that I will avoid if it means showing him he is loved and that there is safety in the rules he experiences! If that means physically and emotionally exhausting circumstances, then so be it! That is in my job description.
For those of you out there that are parents…I hope this is one of those times when you can feel like I did when those moms came by my horrendous display and said “Hang in there”. I am sure you experience times when your frustration is off the charts and your patience has run out and your body doesn’t want to fight for the role of parent anymore. But I want to tell you, “hang in there”. You CAN do it! Now, if you have an angel that does no wrong, please do us both a favor and avoid leaving such a comment in this blog!
Blessings to everyone!
~Shannon
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