Is He Enough?

I was challenged with this question yesterday - "Is He enough?" It pierced my heart, because truthfully, I had to acknowledge that Jesus wasn't enough. I also wanted to stop having to endure my recent struggles. So my equation was no longer "Jesus", but "Jesus PLUS Pain Relief". It seems I had gotten my nose so close to my circumstances that I forgot to step back and admire God's tapestry in my life. I had become so anxious - even in my prayers - because I had forsaken gratitude. Caught up in the momentary, I had forgotten the eternal. I had erected an idol of Pain Relief in my life and the darkness that settled on my heart was scary and intensified the pain of my struggle to a breaking point. I walked into my counselor's office yesterday, for the first time I can remember in my Christian walk, without hope! How could I have lost my hope?

That is what happens when Jesus is not enough?

My hope had been removed from Christ and I put it in pain relief. I was tired of struggling. Tired of no end in sight to this particular trial. I was weary from the hurt my heart had to bear day in and day out. I would pray. I would read His word. I would pray some more. All the while, expecting that at some point, the pain would lessen - my "peace that surpasses all understanding" and my joy would overwhelm and dull the pain and make my circumstances less uncomfortable. But I was wrong. My prayers for relief went unanswered. My pleas for a pain-killer went unfulfilled. In all my wailing before the Lord, I had forgotten to stop and listen to His still small voice which was telling me that His grace was sufficient. So He asked me yesterday - "Am I enough?"

Psalm 23 begins "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want." What a picture of contentment! If He is my shepherd, my ever present help in time of need, my redeemer, my friend, my Emmanuel, then I shall not be in want. But if he's not enough, my heart suffers the dissatisfaction that always results from idolatry. So I had a choice to make - would I trust that He is enough?

Admittedly, I am in a place now where that "leap of faith" is a little scary. This layer of independence and pride has to be ripped from my heart if I'm going to put my trust in my Shepherd and Him alone. I don't want to endure pain or affliction, but to realize that my God would go to such great lengths to be closer to me, causes me to reconsider how I view recent trials. I realized, perhaps for the millionth time, that God is Good and God is Sovereign. He has a good and loving purpose for everything - including pain. All this follows closely on the heals of realizing that sanctification hurts...but even realizing that, I still wanted a "time out" from that painful sanctification to something - well - less painful! But now...now is the time when I choose my God over my pain and rejoice in the fellowship of His sufferings. Now is the time when I get to feel the depth and breadth of all of life - not just the feel good parts. And best of all - now is when I get to experience the very presence of my Creator. I get to stand in the fire with him and know that the dignity of my soul is protected even if life hurts - because in the end - He is enough!