This carries so much emotional weight - much of which I didn't expect. We have been working through this process of paperwork, a home study, and waiting for so long, that the sudden arrival of the day gave me very little time to mentally and emotionally process this event before it happened - REALLY happened. But there we were on Friday morning - up at the court house. We were surrounded by a few of our precious friends: Melissa Williams and her three children (Drew, Gabe and baby Abby), Tandi Dawson and her daughter Serenity, and some folks from our church (Chris Norman and Kathy Dickinson). We stood before the judge, testifying what our wishes were and that we felt this was in Jonathan's best interests. Then he affirmed it and it became official - Shea was now Jonathan's dad! Our whole family is now the Wright family. No more blended family or different last names. We were even told we would be issued a new birth certificate that would list Shea as the father! How cool is that! :D
Afterward, the court gave Jonathan a stuffed toy - he picked a little dog. Shea and Jonathan donned their father and son Longhorns hats (embroidered for the occasion). And we snapped pictures! Then we went out to eat. It wasn't the big party we were hoping for, but we had to keep it cheap (that whole job-loss thing is still looming over our finances). But we enjoyed a family meal together and it was great!
As I headed back to work, I thought about something so special to me. God took something ugly and turned it into something beautiful. Part of me is angry that my son's biological father has abandoned him these last few years. Over time, he just quit seeing him. He acted as if being a parent only happens when it's convenient, which - for him - it never was convenient. (Parenting just isn't convenient - not for anyone!) In my heart, I believe the whole termination of rights / adoption thing for him was just about money. His actions were never all that "noble" when it came to Jonathan, so I hardly buy into the notion he really thought about Jonathan and what he needed. If he had thought that way, perhaps he would have been a father who was there instead of always having an excuse for not showing up.
It was ugly. It's just one of those ugly things in life. I made a horrible choice when I had sex outside of marriage. But God turned it into something so beautiful when he gave me my son. We had an ugly situation of a broken home and the whole "blended family" thing, and once again, God turned it into something beautiful when he answered our prayers.
Did I pray for my son's father to abandon him or reject him? Absolutely not! When my heart stirred with grave concern over the fact that if something happened to me, Jonathan's whole life would turn upside down, I began to think about adoption. If I died, Jonathan would not only have lost me, but he would also lose Shea, his home, his school and everything good and familiar to him. He'd be sent to a man who has demonstrated time and time again that Jonathan is too much of an inconvenience to him and his life. Oh how my heart weighed down so heavily at that thought. So Shea and I prayed about whether or not to approach Robert about terminating his rights so Shea could adopt him. Robert had brought it up a year or so before that, but the conversation stopped when I asked him why he wanted to end the relationship with his son. Would it be the right thing to pursue this ourselves?
As we prayed, we really felt no peace about pursuing the legal action. We concluded that we could not pursue shutting the door on this relationship. Whatever happened or didn't happen, we needed to leave it in God's hands and not take it into our own hands. Yet still, I was disturbed by the conflict of impressions on my heart and kept praying for God to help me resolve it. Why the burden to protect my son from the possible upheaval and yet no reasonable way to do so that God seemed to be in favor of? Then came the text message...
Yes, a text message. I received the text from Robert asking about termination and adoption. It opened up a conversation and this time, he wasn't really asking so much as he was telling me that's what he was going to do. He had met with an attorney and offered to pay for the entire process. So he did. He payed for it all - the court costs, the attorney fees, the home study - everything. It made me cry to think that money was so much more important to this man than his son, and that he was really going to sever the relationship forever. But I couldn't change Robert. And in the end, I simply saw this as God's answer to our prayers.
While Jonathan will still have to work through this issue at varying points throughout his lifetime, I know in my heart without a doubt, this was the right thing to do for him. I wonder about how this will affect Jonathan's testimony in life. Shea and I want to adopt other children and I wonder how Jonathan will be able to comfort and identify with those children because of this event. I wonder how God will use this to draw Jonathan to Himself. After all, each of us as believers are adopted by Him. How will God use this in our lives (Shea and me)?
It's amazing to think of the endless possibilities, but alas - we'll just have to wait and see how the story goes. This is our next chapter and we're excited at how the Lord has worked it so far. He really is a God who can make beauty rise from ashes! Thank you Lord for your Sovereignty and Wonderful works! I pray that you'll use this to draw each and every one of us closer to you!
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