Irony

I am really struggling this week with anger, bitterness, an unforgiving heart, pride, and unbelief. All of it points to a huge lack of faith. I know the Lord is shaping my character through our recent trials, but I seem to be a less-then-teachable student in the last few days. I am having such a hard time with communication and it seems every time I stop to think about how to best communicate, I get so angry, I have to start all over and bite my tongue.

In a seeming contradiction to this struggle is a swell of gratitude in my heart for the Lord's presence. I can feel Him almost every bit of every day. His arms hold me so tight sometimes. I pray the hardness of my heart would soften under this touch. Listening to Beautiful Beautiful by Francesca Battistelli makes me think of how undeserving of His grace I really am, and that despite that still - He pours it out over me and I am so overwhelmed with His work in me. How can He be so tender?