In Awe

I'm sitting here marveling at God. I have no idea why it is that He choose to give me such an amazing life. No doubt there have been dark valleys..."valleys of the shadow of death"...but He has truly amazed me with how vividly He brings to life Romans 8:28 - working all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose. The ways He wove in family tragedies, pain, disobedience, and all the muck of my life and yet still painted such a beautiful, tender heart of compassion and a life abundantly filled with his blessings, I could never understand it all. I'm just in awe of His work.

A bit of that work seems to be a tenderness that has begun to hurt more and more lately. I look at the world around me and more and more I see it - the destruction, the chaos, the utter pain of His creation. I see pride, selfishness, and idolatry stealing away the very breath of life in each of us. I see lies slithering into our minds and binding us in heavy chains. I see us self-destructing under the guise of happiness. The whole scene makes me cry.

I cannot begin to fathom the depth of pain Jesus must have felt to weep for us. How deeply our Father grieves for us in all of our sin. For my heart to hurt so much and for me to be such a fallen person myself, I cannot grasp how much it must hurt the One whose heart knows no sin.

Lord, I praise you for this heart. I praise you for teaching me how desperately I need you each and every day. I ask that you please continue to tenderize my heart and give me wisdom. Teach me discernment and grace my tongue with your sword. Protect me from the enemy and help me to serve each and every person you have entrusted to me. Let me not fail you for my own pride, selfishness, and idolatrous flesh. Crucify those things in me which do not please you and use me as a guidepost for the person traveling behind me. Tenderize the hearts of those I have witnessed to and shared the gospel with. Call them to yourself and speak to their hearts with wild passion. Chase them Lord and break the hardness of their spirits. Show them again how much you love them. Lead me where you want me to go and keep reminding me that I should not have zeal without knowledge nor should I be hasty and miss the way!