First, I guess it's important to know that Jonathan was diagnosed "ADHD" when he was 4. We had a great deal of trouble with him for a year by the time he was diagnosed. Jonathan's daycare told me all the typical stuff: inability to focus, hyperactive, acting out, rebellious, impulsive and we were still having major behavior issues at home. From the age of 4 to 5, the behavior escalated at home to the point of extremely violent tantrums for hours on end. It was a nightmare. Four schools in less than nine months, play therapy, parenting classes, and numerous visits to the pediatrician, all to end that year in a psychologists office and a diagnosis of moderate to severe ADHD. With no more time and no promises of a good school to put Jonathan in, I opted to place Jonathan under the care of a psychiatrist and begin medication. I stayed home with him for 3 months and in that time, began to see some improvement.
Daytrana was our first round. $75 a week (after insurance coverage). In social environments Jonathan's aggression remained high, he stopped eating much of anything and didn't sleep very much. Additionally, he was still irritable and unpredictable. After finding a home daycare provider willing to work with Jonathan, he began to attend preschool again. Over the first several weeks, his teacher said that she noticed a slight improvement in Jonathan while medicated. Because the medication was a patch, Jonathan suffered constant skin rashes and inconsistent dosing because the patches would fall off. Overall, the teacher still had a great deal of difficulty with Jonathan. Once I taught Jonathan to swallow pills, we sought an alternative.
Adderall was round two. Much more affordable at $10 a script (after insurance coverage) and much easier to assess accurate dosages - no more skin rashes and painful removal of patches from his sensitive little back. The scarring from the patches only took about 6 months to disappear. We still saw the aggression, impulse and rebellion issues. But again, the day care provider stated he seemed to "focus" better while medicated, even if his behavior saw little improvement. Jonathan stayed on Adderall through the last part of pre-school and his first year in kindergarten. Yet, despite medication, the first half of kindergarten was very reminiscent of the year we had leading up to medication. School was a mess. But we had a staff, and particularly another blessed teacher, who had extraordinary patience and love for my son. By the end of the school year, Jonathan was doing exceptionally well.
I decided to have Jonathan redo his year in Kindergarten to give him the extra time to make up for the months spent more focused on behavior than learning. Everyone agreed he wasn't ready for 1st grade. Over the summer, I began intensifying my research in the effects of Jonathan's medication, which was never medically monitored by his pyschiatrist (no blood work to check for ill effects on his liver, heart or other vital organs). And in my heart, I still could not bring myself to be comfortable with 1) the diagnosis and 2) the idea that I was giving my son a molecular equivalent to street speed.
I had continued to work with play therapy, my parenting and nutrition. I changed what Jonathan ate and focused on detoxifying and nourishing his body. By the time school started this year, Jonathan had stopped taking medication and the reports from his Sunday school class remained positive (the only "classroom-type" environment he had over the summer). I saw changes in Jonathan that gave me hope we were finally making headway in my son's overall health. His home life was stabilizing and it seemed everyone was working together. His speech improved dramatically, he was eating normally again, his sleep patterns were restored, and his aggression and irritability decreased considerably. But the school year began with another round of challenges.
First, the teacher we thought he would return to had left to teach at another school. She was replaced with a very sweet and well-intentioned, but inexperienced, first year teacher. Back in a kindergarten class, the first week Jonathan complained of being teased by the students he knew last year because he was still in kindergarten and not in first grade. His first week seemed fine otherwise, but by week two, old behaviors began to emerge and I was called every day to either come up to the school or pick him up altogether. I was asked on several occassions about Jonathan's medication routine (with a disclaimer that I was not being instructed about medication), and ultimately given an ultimatum that if Jonathan's behavior did not improve, he would be expelled.
Defeated and frustrated to see all of our hard work and improvements seemingly gone, I doubted my decision to remove Jonathan from medication. I analyzed my parenting and highlighted every mistake with bold speculation of negative consequences. I watched my son, who seemed so happy throughout the end of summer, vibrant and excited to go back to school, sink lower and lower as the weeks of his second year in kindergarten went on.
By November, I felt that our naturalistic approach to Jonathan's health was costing him his education. I went back to the psychiatrist. For round three, we opted for a non-stimulant treatment for Jonathan's "ADHD". His doctor recommended Strattera, with a note it might make him a little sleepy and could upset his stomach, so give him the meds with food. In the days that followed, we were pleased to see Jonathan's aggression level did not increase, his appetite remained about the same and his sleep patterns did not return to the fitful bouts of insomnia we previously saw on the stimulant meds. At our two week follow-up, the psychiatrist increased his dosage and we were hopeful to begin seeing results in Jonathan's ability to focus, stay on task and control his impulsivity at school. His teacher said the medication seemed to be helping him a little school.
Thanksgiving was a crazy time because we moved and seemed busy every night of the week. But as we settled back into our routine, and I took more notes of Jonathan's behavior and overall health condition, I saw numerous "little" things I had being passing off for various reasons. It was at this time that he began the increased dosage of Strattera. He complained about his stomach off and on and it seemed to get bigger and bigger (bloated and hard to the touch). He wanted to eat more often. He woke up with nightmares or vivid dreams rather frequently and seemed tired and lethargic throughout the day. His irritability increased. He complained of sharp pains in his hips, knees and elbows. Sometimes his chest hurt. In the last week, Jonathan began to seem like he was coming down with a cold. He had a persistent, but unproductive cough. His nose kept running. And then his teacher began to report bouts of crying and withdrawal for no reason. The last few days those bouts were more and more severe.
In the last couple of days, Jonathan had became an emotional and physical mess. I felt like I suddenly had a teenage daughter instead of a 6 year old son. After researching the "potential" side effects of Strattera, I discovered it was actually an anti-depressant, prescribed "off label" for ADHD. I realized that the long list of things I passed off to schedule, diet, growing pains, stress, and common colds looked to be consistent with the list of side effects from his medication. Working with his pediatrician and his psychiatrist, it seemed there wasn't much we could do. The dosage could not be cut in half (it was a capsule), so we opted to stop it. (Even though his psychiatrist had just recommended an increase.) My heart was so heavy and I feared that Jonathan's withdrawal symptoms could be worse than his already present side effects. What would happen to him?
We're in the process of finding out. I'm doing my best to trust the Lord that whatever happens, He has everything under control. I know that He does, but I'm struggling with my faith at the moment. Also, I hate that I succumbed to percieved pressure and did something I did not think was really the best thing for my child. I also hate that I second guessed my choice to take Jonathan off ADHD meds in the first place. I hate that I have bought into a philosophy that makes no health sense to me whatsoever.
On that note, let me explain what I mean by the philosophy. ADHD is a subjective diagnosis that presupposes a chemical imbalance in the brain. That is the same presupposition of any number of mental illnesses today. I don't know if that chemical imbalance really exists or exactly what chemicals are imbalanced or by how much. My big problem with the medical industry today is that neither do the doctors prescribing medications to us. They are merely GUESSING as to whether or not chemical imbalances actually exist and GUESSING at which medications may/may not correct that alleged imbalance. Their guesses are educated by clinical trials and FDA medication approvals tried on other patients to alleviate symptoms prevalent in other people. I don't understand why a majority of America has no problem with this philosophy. If no one can determine IF my son has a chemical imbalance, then why on earth does it have to be medication that corrects that chemical imbalance? A medication with a horrifyingly long list of "potential" side effects? When they know not everyone reacts to meds the same way, how can they be sure of the effects it will have on my child? (They can't...which is why there is a nice, full page, legal disclaimer that accompanies the meds when the pharmacist hands them to me.)
So that brings us to today. I have reviewed our lives in a wholistic picture and am starting to think more logically about the health and wellness of my son. I know that behavior and emotions for us have numerous causes that could very well link our experienced effects back to the chaotic lives we have lived (broken home, me personally not being a stable, calm and peaceful person for the early years of Jonathan's life, inconsistent structure, moving, changes in significant relationships, etc). I know God designed our bodies with magnificent detail and incredible powers of self-healing. I know I saw improvements in my son when I applied good parenting, godly principles, home stability, a nuturing and attentive atmosphere, and sound nutrition. I know that there is a logical cause-effect link in illnesses and that treating symptoms doesn't alleviate the cause of the illness. (Ex: Allergy meds don't cure allergies...just reduces the experienced symptoms). So my venture from this point forward is about REAL HEALING...REAL HEALTH. No more treating symptoms and thinking that is good enough. It is about removing anything that obstructs my son's body from healing itself of imbalances and praying for God to give me wisdom, to guide me to doctors that are also about healing and not writing scripts for symptoms, and for Him to be the ultimate healer of my son. In the end, only God has control of every cell in our bodies!
This journey won't be easy and it won't be quick! It certainly puts me in opposition to the opinions of the school district and many well-intentioned, sincere adults around me. But it is the path that gives me confidence as a mom that I'm doing what is right and what is best for the child God has given me to raise and care for. I can't be lazy or easily distracted by the world's philosophy in my endeavor to help my son grow up thriving to his full potential. And for me, that no longer includes prescriptions for powerful, damaging chemicals that merely seek to treat symptoms, all the while, doing God only knows what to vital organs in my son's body. It requires determination, perseverance, courage and humility. It requires dependance upon my Lord. And in the end, I am praying not only for my son's healing, but an evolution of personal character for me. I want to be the very best mom I can be, so that my son has every opportunity to be the best man he can be.
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