Degrees of Compromise and Degrees of Change

It amazes me to think that one degree can make all the difference when plotting a course as to whether or not you arrive at your planned destination. I read a Francine Rivers book yesterday called And the Shofar Blew. I am thankful to be reading more these days as my life slows down. And in the time I spent reflecting on the nuggets of truth God wove into this book, I marveled at how one of the characters arrived at the gates of hell, not for lack of good intentions, but for one degree of compromise after another.

It made me think of all of the degrees of compromise I have in my own life, and what it will take to turn back. The cure for degrees of compromise is degrees of change. Now, I hesitate to say it that way because of the natural implication of “slow” change. Scripture is very clear that sin should be dealt with radically, wholly and swiftly. The degrees of change come into play in the practical application of living out change. The sayings goes, “It is the little things that matter!” So each little degree that is charting us off course must be redirected to the straight and narrow path that leads to life!

So here I am thinking of the sins in my life and miserable over the persistence of these sins in the years that stretch back on my walk as a believer in Jesus Christ. I hate that these sins still chain me in bondage not meant for one freed by blood. So as I plan ahead for the day, the week, the month and the year, I see the absolute necessity for degrees of change. One small thing after one small step aimed to capture the purity of Holy living. Gluttony, Lust, Idolatry, Selfishness, and Pride to be slain like Goliath – with smoothed stones guided by the Lord. If He is my Rock, the Word made flesh, and the Cornerstone of my life, then memorizing and meditating on scripture is key to slinging the stones that slay the giants in my life. So while it is somewhat depressing to see the flaws – the cracks in my faith and my foundation, I have such a great hope in what the Lord has already done and in His promise to bring to completion the good work He began in me!!

What a Mighty God we serve!! And I love to know that I am His! I love to revel in the truth of His delight over me! I love how He works! He is amazing to me – amazing beyond articulation!!

A Day to Pray

Prayer. It seems impossible lately for me to find a passage in the bible that does not bring me back to prayer. Yet somehow, I've managed to avoid it for longer than I care to admit. I am not talking about the kind of prayer that seems more fitting for a genie than for the true God. Nor am I speaking of the kind of prayer that seems to come from places higher and mightier than I dare to climb. I am speaking about the kind of prayer that comes from a humble heart, sometimes in mere whispers, sometimes in anguished cries, but always in purity and confidence, reaching out to a God that cares.

I want a life of prayer. I see it in other Christians. I see leap out from the pages of the bible. Yet, in my life? I see busyness.

Yet again, my life has been filled with great things: spending time with my son, working, encouraging friends, reading books, writing, listening to music, loving those close to me...but the greatest thing of all, I seem to leave unattended. I have neglected to invest in my eternal relationship with Jesus through prayer.

So today I declare a day to pray. A day to stop the busyness and have some great conversation with my Love. To tell him my failings, my fears, my hopes, my dreams, and then see how he takes it all and shows me His hope, His dreams, and Himself!!

Introduction

It seems to me that it would benefit any reader to know a bit of history as to where I have journeyed before I attempt to articulate where I am. While this introduction is by no means an exhaustive inclusion of my first almost 30 years, I pray it will lend insight into the woman who writes what you will read in future posts.

Born to a dysfunctional family (who isn’t?), I learned to see the world through distorted lenses. My journey on this winding road called life is merely my journey to remove the distortion and see clearly the world around me and the God whom I serve. I enjoyed some normal things in childhood: pet hamsters, dogs and cats, siblings, great teachers, bike trails, pot sooey (mixture of dirt, grass and dandelions served in plastic tea cups to fellow youngsters), cuts and scrapes, crushes, friends, Christmas presents, birthday parties, new purses and special privileges for being the oldest child. But the younger years were also riddled with a great deal of pain: abandonment, abuse, molestation, parents who were drug and alcohol addicted, frequent moving, poverty, sexual exploitation and the overall effects of parents who just made a great deal of poor choices. I learned from an early age to see the world as a place of fear, chaos, and evil. No one could be trusted. And despite my strong desire to leave a mark on the world around me, I believed I would never amount to anything significant or of any worth.

Yet, before the foundations of the earth were laid, my days were planned, numbered and ordered for a purpose. God knew the plans He had for my life, plans not to harm me, but to prosper me and to give me a hope and a future. The winding road I walk is simply a step by step realization of God and the plan He has for me.

I cannot say that I “came to Christ” in some big revelation. I’ve come to see that my salvation was the product of a lengthy process. It began with just head knowledge. People who came into my life in the early years planted seeds of truth here and there: there is a God, He loves the world He created, we are all sinners (although I already believed that I was bad), He made provision for its salvation, and you need Him. Up until my high school graduation and entrance into the military, God remained fairly distant. Since all of my “personal” relationships were distant, I thought my relationship with God was “personal” enough. A turning point came in my early twenties when I awoke to a horrid and dark reflection in the mirror and hated who I had become. After reflecting on “happier times”, I decided to “fix” my life with organized religion – I would go to church.

Alas, that didn’t work well, and I ended up unmarried and pregnant at the age of 24. My son was really the push that drove me the remaining distance into the arms of Jesus Christ. In the face of innocence, I saw a responsibility that I had no capability to fulfill. It was my first of many glimpses into my human depravity and my first steps as a new Christ-follower.

In the years that have followed, I have continued to grow, albeit slowly, as a Christian. I still struggle with “fixing” my life, people-pleasing, ill-directed focus, pride, and a human inadequacy that makes me cringe. But I have seen Christ shine through with strength to persevere when I wanted to give up. I have seen Him create deep compassion for people in a heart that once hated much of this world. I have experienced the comfort of a Friend who never leaves despite my own many betrayals. I have been loved by a Father who provides richly for a child He adores.

There is so much I long to know about my Lord. My heart still carries burdens not meant to be carried. My life still contains much sin to be dealt with. Yet as each day passes, there is one unwavering truth to which I cling – the Grace of God that gives me strength, boldness, courage, love, joy, patience, and a sustaining will to live for Jesus Christ.

These are the pages of my journey…I invite you to join me as you walk your own path.