Yet, there I was. Unprepared in so many ways and certainly not expecting to receive the war call. But it came and by His grace I answered. He took me to my neighbors house as she struggled to even find value in the next breath she drew in, wrenched with deep and searing family pain. He took me to another neighbor's house to share the deception of a false gospel. He confronted false teachers with the truth of their lies. He comforted children facing chaos and fear.
When the whirlwind slowed, I was revitalized in a way I can barely describe. Matthew 28:19-20 says, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." In our kids ministry, we've been talking about Nehemiah. His passion for the people and for the mission God gave him along with the current events in my own life has given me a sense of duty - a call if you will. I have a piece of the wall to protect. My home, my neighborhood is a piece of the wall. If I will answer the call to simply surrender to His will and plan for all He has in the works, then I get a glimpse of His glory! That is an incredible prize to say the least!
So God has lit a fire of faith in me. It's hard to imagine that I've left the walls of my neighborhood broken down for so long...rarely sharing with a neighbor and I can't recall one time when I've taken the gospel door to door. I have put up fliers for a prayer hotline (via email), but that was it. A prayer box in the front office received the occasional prayer request, but went by the wayside. So now, people on a mission with false gospels in various forms have taken to knocking on my neighbors' doors. They're spending time, money and effort to share lies with my neighbors. What am I going to do? Am I willing to defend my piece of the wall from the wolves? Am I willing to stand post, sacrifice a little to make sure His Name is proclaimed and people have the chance at eternal life?
Yet, I'm admitting fear. I'm scared at what this will bring. I am prone to major failures following "spiritual highs" like this. And when you're in the Lord's army, you become a target for the enemy. I can literally feel the crosshairs on me. I'm also acutely aware of my flesh. I am a depraved person with a fallen nature that more often than not gets the better of me. It's only by His grace I can manage any sense of goodness. I'm scared for what that means. My friends have given accolades in abundance for these recent victories. People are applauding me. And I feel it...that demon of pride lurking in the shadows of my heart, ready to rear its ugly head and take the glory for what God has done through me. It's awful.
But my hope goes back to Psalm 91:
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. a]">[a]
2 I will say b]">[b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."
But my hope goes back to Psalm 91: It's in His protective arms that I can find refuge and rest. And when I'm weary from the battle, it's Christ in whom I find comfort and solace. He bids me "come". And I can only keep begging for humility in the midst of showers of praise. I can only ask that He keep me acutely aware of my own shortcomings and inadequacies. My constant prayer...please Lord, let me decrease that You might increase. Protect me from the enemy prowling about and protect me from the enemy within.
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