His Mercies are New Every Morning

The bible says that His mercies are new every morning...well...it's morning and once again, I am in need of new mercies. I'm pretty beaten up by the enemy of flesh - to the point my heart is cool and hardened. I need a spiritual revival...a surge of feeling the reality of my relationship with Jesus Christ. I realize that feelings are not the basis of that relationship. The basis is pure faith. Choosing to live as though the bible were true regardless of circumstances, emotions or cultural trends. So where is the strength? Where is the lifting up from the miry clay? It has not happened yet. I'm still sitting in the mud - only now I'm fully aware of sitting in the mud.

I feel like the prodigal son. It's the morning in which he awoke to the smell of the pig sty. Famished for the days gone by in his father's house where he ate real food, wore clothes fitting of his status as a prince, and celebrated life in the presence of the king. The memories flooding his mind at that moment were a far and distant cry from the filth and depravity in which he found himself laying that morning. Then there was a moment of decision. In that moment the prodigal overcame the fear of failing again...the fear of rejection...the fear that had to have gripped his heart at the thought of trying to return after all he'd done. How that moment must have felt, when the chains fell off and he began to walk. Perhaps just barely able to put one foot in front of the other each step of the way - I don't know. But he eventually arrived. And before he had come the full distance, his father ran to meet him. RAN! A man of the king's status would never been seen running. But he ran to greet this wayward, filthy, derelict son and embraced him. The king covered his son with fine linen and ordered a huge celebration for this son's return.

The bible says that heaven rejoices more over one repentant sinner than 99 who need not repent. So why am I having such a hard time with repentance? I know by faith my Father will not reject me, but rather embrace me and rejoice over my return. Have I not sunk low enough to really want out of my sin? I often think that is the case. Have I not binged enough, been prideful enough, suffered enough consequences for my sin to find its death no longer appealing to me?

I used to learn all my lessons the hard way. I used to run as far as I could until the pain was so stifling I thought I would die if I wasn't rescued. It was such a melodramatic way to live my life and I hated it. It was so unnecessary. I do not see any sense in getting all the way down the road in order to realize that I am on the wrong path. As soon as I know I am going the wrong way - THAT should be the point at which I long to be rescued. THAT is when I turn and go the right way. What is so complicated about doing that?I seem to be stuck in the old pattern of behavior though. "I haven't fallen far enough or hard enough to warrant turning." But that is a lie...a dirty, stinking, rotten lie from the pit of hell trying to keep me from life and life abundantly lived.

So Lord, please rescue me. Soften my heart and lead me to repentance. I can't seem to find my way on my own. I don't have it in me to repent, so please send your Spirit to revive me. Awaken all that I have squelched and darkened with my disobedience and bring me back to life! I love you Lord. I am in desperate need of your mercies this morning. Please don't look at my wretchedness, but look on me through the blood of your Son who has redeemed me for your sake! Amen.