Wretched Woman!

Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance? — Romans 2:4

Most certainly I have found myself in contempt today. I have been appalled lately by certain points of view regarding marriage. God has put such a tender place in my heart for how sacred the marriage covenant really is. His grace has pushed me to see my husband and my marriage so differently than I used to and seemingly very different than a great many professing Christians I speak with. However, in thinking through how watered down this particular subject has been in our culture today, God spoke to my heart about my own depravity. So what if I have a tender place for marriage in my thinking...if so much of the rest of my life displays contempt for his kindness, tolerance and patience!

Everything that does not come from faith - is sin. - Romans 14:23

That is my life. Where is my faith to spend each and every dollar as if it TRULY belonged to God and not me. Where is my faith that I am to glorify God with every word? Where is my heart of humility to serve my husband instead of constantly expecting him to serve me? Where is my faith to submit to the Lord and to my husband's leadership? Where is the faith that demonstrates unconditional love and humility to every single person around me, absolutely free of judgement? Is this how Paul felt when he said, "Oh what a wretched man am I!"? I certainly feel, "Oh what a wretched woman am I!" I am so depraved. I have preached and yet not lived as if faith makes a difference...that His holiness counts for everything and not just something...that God is Sovereign Ruler of everything...including the very breath in my lungs. Where has the awe and passion been apart from just words?

Oh Lord, I am so sorry. I am so sorry to have not lived by faith. I have not sought you or chosen to live according to your words. Circumstances, emotions, and my American way have taken up idolatrous positions in my heart. I put those down, Father and ask for your forgiveness. I am so sorry. Holy Spirit, work in me. Cause me to will and to act according to His good purposes. Move in my heart complete repentance...I don't want to show contempt for my Father's precious grace. Keep this fear in my heart that I may know His wisdom. I surrender my hardened heart to you, Father. Break it and please help me to walk in faith. Keep my heart tender to the law of sin at work in me. Continue to show me where sin resides and burn it out of me Lord. Break down these horrible idols and don't let me go far from you.

Thank you Jesus, for the grace you bought for me on the cross. For the pain you endured for my depravity. Thank you Father for choosing me, for lifting me up and giving me eyes to see you and for working in me to be like Your Son! How I pray my life will be an offering to you.