Today's Prayer: Desperately

Where do I start, Lord, when my heart is so broken? How do I begin to sift through this pain? I know the stain of sin darkens my heart today, and yet I seem to hold fast to my resolve not to look at it. I pretend the stain is of blood shed in this recent attack. But not all the pain was inflicted by the enemy, now was it? Some of this pain comes from my depravity ... the consequences of living in the confines of sinful flesh.

I need to experience your freedom Father. You promise the truth will set me free, but I know there is no one...not even me, who seeks you or your righteousness. Your word is righteousness, and I know I cannot seek it and do not seek it. So please help me. Lift me from the miry clay...save me from the traps that have ensnared and wounded me.

I am lost, scared, hurt, and wounded. I need you Lord...desperately.

My Years with the Lord

I was just pondering the wonders of the past several years with the Lord. It's been an amazing journey with Him and I can hardly believe the wonders of His work in my life.

2002 - 2004 were the Years of Healing

Beginning with surrender to Him, knowing this was a relationship instead of a religion. He began to heal me of so many wounds. Teaching me to trust Him and to live today instead of in the past or for the future. It was a time in which I learned to see Him as my Father.

2005 was the Year of Parenting

I call it this, because this was the year a dear friend woke me up as to what kind of mother I was...which was a far cry from the kind of mother I wanted to be. It was the year God grew my heart akin to His in the area of parenting and that changed the whole dynamic between me and my son.

2006 was the year of Relationships

This was a year that tested, challenged, stretched and grew me in respect to my lack of skills in relating to people in God's way. Friends, guys, family...you name it, He threw it all in there to set me on a path toward healthier relationships (still a work in progress, but it started here). :D

2007 was the year of Trusting His Provision

This was the year that He began to get a hold of me in the area of finances and materials things. He brought me to a place where I began to see that everything was His and He was faithful in providing everything I needed: food, clothing, a home...and so much more! (Again, still a work in progress, but it started here).

2008 was the year of Prayer

That year was the year I got married and through the end of 2007 into 2008, I began to realize how important prayer really was and what prayer was in my relationship to my Heavenly Father. It was when I got excited about prayer and began to realize that prayer isn't just about talking to my Father, but about experiencing Him in a much deeper way.

2009 was the year of Truth

Like no other year before, the scriptures were alive to me! This is the year I began to see the sheer power of His word and learned to love it more than I ever have. There was a reverence for His word and a heart willing to seek it out and obey it. A truly life-changing year!

and this year seems to be the year of Discipline. Already He has set in motion, laying it down on the previous foundation, that discipline is not only possible, but that He is orchestrating and living it out in my life! I'm really looking forward to every day He gives me this year! :D

Is He not the most AMAZING and AWESOME God you could know? He is to me!!!

It's really about perspective, isn't it?

When it comes to the heart, I rarely know where to begin. Sometimes the words flow so easily and then there are times like this, when I have so much on my heart and mind that the initial stutter is rather intense.

I guess I could start with a little perspective on the outside world...at least my outside world. I see a world that is fallen. Rather simplistic summary "fallen" is for a world riddled with heartache, loss, health challenges, sinners, grief and conflict of every imaginable type. But "fallen" it is. That status is why we see the bad around us. It's why we lock our doors, go through boxes and boxes of tissue, burn up the phone lines to friends or counselors, shut down communication with our spouses, family members and friends, struggle and fight with those closest to us, and experience the turmoils of the workplace.

But how depressing to see only that. Even though my heart is incredibly heavy today, it seems my Maker is reaching through the heartache, lifting my chin and saying...keep your eyes on me, my child! Then, through Him, I see the joy...the blessings...all the good in our world.

I see people praising Him in the midst of tragedies and tough life challenges. I see people seeking good when they want so desperately to give up. I see His hand reaching out to the lost, calling them to Himself. I see His arms cradling and carrying His children - tightly protecting them. I see ships sailing through raging storms. I see the Potter working his creation, molding away...breaking down rough spots and rejoicing over pliable clay. I see life sprouting up where the desert once laid. I see fruit where there used to be only barren limbs. I see generosity and gratitude. I see kindness and good will. I see peace where war once raged.

I guess in the end...it's really about perspective, isn't it?

Oh Father, give me your eyes to see. I keep seeing and hearing all the negative...all the bad...contentment, gratitude and optimism...I need my heart to go back to those things. I can't stay with this envy, lack of thanksgiving and pessimism. I don't want to be a complainer or discourager. I want to have your perspective, but I can't seem to make that happen. Please help me. Give me your eyes and let me see this world and all the people in it from your perspective instead of my own. Thank you for your faithfulness Lord...your infinite mercy on me and your empowering grace. I love you.