Jonathan: Our Journey (so far) with "ADHD"

First, I guess it's important to know that Jonathan was diagnosed "ADHD" when he was 4. We had a great deal of trouble with him for a year by the time he was diagnosed. Jonathan's daycare told me all the typical stuff: inability to focus, hyperactive, acting out, rebellious, impulsive and we were still having major behavior issues at home. From the age of 4 to 5, the behavior escalated at home to the point of extremely violent tantrums for hours on end. It was a nightmare. Four schools in less than nine months, play therapy, parenting classes, and numerous visits to the pediatrician, all to end that year in a psychologists office and a diagnosis of moderate to severe ADHD. With no more time and no promises of a good school to put Jonathan in, I opted to place Jonathan under the care of a psychiatrist and begin medication. I stayed home with him for 3 months and in that time, began to see some improvement.

Daytrana was our first round. $75 a week (after insurance coverage). In social environments Jonathan's aggression remained high, he stopped eating much of anything and didn't sleep very much. Additionally, he was still irritable and unpredictable. After finding a home daycare provider willing to work with Jonathan, he began to attend preschool again. Over the first several weeks, his teacher said that she noticed a slight improvement in Jonathan while medicated. Because the medication was a patch, Jonathan suffered constant skin rashes and inconsistent dosing because the patches would fall off. Overall, the teacher still had a great deal of difficulty with Jonathan. Once I taught Jonathan to swallow pills, we sought an alternative.

Adderall was round two. Much more affordable at $10 a script (after insurance coverage) and much easier to assess accurate dosages - no more skin rashes and painful removal of patches from his sensitive little back. The scarring from the patches only took about 6 months to disappear. We still saw the aggression, impulse and rebellion issues. But again, the day care provider stated he seemed to "focus" better while medicated, even if his behavior saw little improvement. Jonathan stayed on Adderall through the last part of pre-school and his first year in kindergarten. Yet, despite medication, the first half of kindergarten was very reminiscent of the year we had leading up to medication. School was a mess. But we had a staff, and particularly another blessed teacher, who had extraordinary patience and love for my son. By the end of the school year, Jonathan was doing exceptionally well.

I decided to have Jonathan redo his year in Kindergarten to give him the extra time to make up for the months spent more focused on behavior than learning. Everyone agreed he wasn't ready for 1st grade. Over the summer, I began intensifying my research in the effects of Jonathan's medication, which was never medically monitored by his pyschiatrist (no blood work to check for ill effects on his liver, heart or other vital organs). And in my heart, I still could not bring myself to be comfortable with 1) the diagnosis and 2) the idea that I was giving my son a molecular equivalent to street speed.

I had continued to work with play therapy, my parenting and nutrition. I changed what Jonathan ate and focused on detoxifying and nourishing his body. By the time school started this year, Jonathan had stopped taking medication and the reports from his Sunday school class remained positive (the only "classroom-type" environment he had over the summer). I saw changes in Jonathan that gave me hope we were finally making headway in my son's overall health. His home life was stabilizing and it seemed everyone was working together. His speech improved dramatically, he was eating normally again, his sleep patterns were restored, and his aggression and irritability decreased considerably. But the school year began with another round of challenges.

First, the teacher we thought he would return to had left to teach at another school. She was replaced with a very sweet and well-intentioned, but inexperienced, first year teacher. Back in a kindergarten class, the first week Jonathan complained of being teased by the students he knew last year because he was still in kindergarten and not in first grade. His first week seemed fine otherwise, but by week two, old behaviors began to emerge and I was called every day to either come up to the school or pick him up altogether. I was asked on several occassions about Jonathan's medication routine (with a disclaimer that I was not being instructed about medication), and ultimately given an ultimatum that if Jonathan's behavior did not improve, he would be expelled.

Defeated and frustrated to see all of our hard work and improvements seemingly gone, I doubted my decision to remove Jonathan from medication. I analyzed my parenting and highlighted every mistake with bold speculation of negative consequences. I watched my son, who seemed so happy throughout the end of summer, vibrant and excited to go back to school, sink lower and lower as the weeks of his second year in kindergarten went on.

By November, I felt that our naturalistic approach to Jonathan's health was costing him his education. I went back to the psychiatrist. For round three, we opted for a non-stimulant treatment for Jonathan's "ADHD". His doctor recommended Strattera, with a note it might make him a little sleepy and could upset his stomach, so give him the meds with food. In the days that followed, we were pleased to see Jonathan's aggression level did not increase, his appetite remained about the same and his sleep patterns did not return to the fitful bouts of insomnia we previously saw on the stimulant meds. At our two week follow-up, the psychiatrist increased his dosage and we were hopeful to begin seeing results in Jonathan's ability to focus, stay on task and control his impulsivity at school. His teacher said the medication seemed to be helping him a little school.

Thanksgiving was a crazy time because we moved and seemed busy every night of the week. But as we settled back into our routine, and I took more notes of Jonathan's behavior and overall health condition, I saw numerous "little" things I had being passing off for various reasons. It was at this time that he began the increased dosage of Strattera. He complained about his stomach off and on and it seemed to get bigger and bigger (bloated and hard to the touch). He wanted to eat more often. He woke up with nightmares or vivid dreams rather frequently and seemed tired and lethargic throughout the day. His irritability increased. He complained of sharp pains in his hips, knees and elbows. Sometimes his chest hurt. In the last week, Jonathan began to seem like he was coming down with a cold. He had a persistent, but unproductive cough. His nose kept running. And then his teacher began to report bouts of crying and withdrawal for no reason. The last few days those bouts were more and more severe.

In the last couple of days, Jonathan had became an emotional and physical mess. I felt like I suddenly had a teenage daughter instead of a 6 year old son. After researching the "potential" side effects of Strattera, I discovered it was actually an anti-depressant, prescribed "off label" for ADHD. I realized that the long list of things I passed off to schedule, diet, growing pains, stress, and common colds looked to be consistent with the list of side effects from his medication. Working with his pediatrician and his psychiatrist, it seemed there wasn't much we could do. The dosage could not be cut in half (it was a capsule), so we opted to stop it. (Even though his psychiatrist had just recommended an increase.) My heart was so heavy and I feared that Jonathan's withdrawal symptoms could be worse than his already present side effects. What would happen to him?

We're in the process of finding out. I'm doing my best to trust the Lord that whatever happens, He has everything under control. I know that He does, but I'm struggling with my faith at the moment. Also, I hate that I succumbed to percieved pressure and did something I did not think was really the best thing for my child. I also hate that I second guessed my choice to take Jonathan off ADHD meds in the first place. I hate that I have bought into a philosophy that makes no health sense to me whatsoever.

On that note, let me explain what I mean by the philosophy. ADHD is a subjective diagnosis that presupposes a chemical imbalance in the brain. That is the same presupposition of any number of mental illnesses today. I don't know if that chemical imbalance really exists or exactly what chemicals are imbalanced or by how much. My big problem with the medical industry today is that neither do the doctors prescribing medications to us. They are merely GUESSING as to whether or not chemical imbalances actually exist and GUESSING at which medications may/may not correct that alleged imbalance. Their guesses are educated by clinical trials and FDA medication approvals tried on other patients to alleviate symptoms prevalent in other people. I don't understand why a majority of America has no problem with this philosophy. If no one can determine IF my son has a chemical imbalance, then why on earth does it have to be medication that corrects that chemical imbalance? A medication with a horrifyingly long list of "potential" side effects? When they know not everyone reacts to meds the same way, how can they be sure of the effects it will have on my child? (They can't...which is why there is a nice, full page, legal disclaimer that accompanies the meds when the pharmacist hands them to me.)

So that brings us to today. I have reviewed our lives in a wholistic picture and am starting to think more logically about the health and wellness of my son. I know that behavior and emotions for us have numerous causes that could very well link our experienced effects back to the chaotic lives we have lived (broken home, me personally not being a stable, calm and peaceful person for the early years of Jonathan's life, inconsistent structure, moving, changes in significant relationships, etc). I know God designed our bodies with magnificent detail and incredible powers of self-healing. I know I saw improvements in my son when I applied good parenting, godly principles, home stability, a nuturing and attentive atmosphere, and sound nutrition. I know that there is a logical cause-effect link in illnesses and that treating symptoms doesn't alleviate the cause of the illness. (Ex: Allergy meds don't cure allergies...just reduces the experienced symptoms). So my venture from this point forward is about REAL HEALING...REAL HEALTH. No more treating symptoms and thinking that is good enough. It is about removing anything that obstructs my son's body from healing itself of imbalances and praying for God to give me wisdom, to guide me to doctors that are also about healing and not writing scripts for symptoms, and for Him to be the ultimate healer of my son. In the end, only God has control of every cell in our bodies!

This journey won't be easy and it won't be quick! It certainly puts me in opposition to the opinions of the school district and many well-intentioned, sincere adults around me. But it is the path that gives me confidence as a mom that I'm doing what is right and what is best for the child God has given me to raise and care for. I can't be lazy or easily distracted by the world's philosophy in my endeavor to help my son grow up thriving to his full potential. And for me, that no longer includes prescriptions for powerful, damaging chemicals that merely seek to treat symptoms, all the while, doing God only knows what to vital organs in my son's body. It requires determination, perseverance, courage and humility. It requires dependance upon my Lord. And in the end, I am praying not only for my son's healing, but an evolution of personal character for me. I want to be the very best mom I can be, so that my son has every opportunity to be the best man he can be.

A man's pride brings him low...

For the last month and a half, I have wandered away from the intimacy I usually enjoy with my Jesus. We all seem to do that from time to time, but knowing that never eases any of my disappointment or frustration at the realization I have "done it again". So here I am, "waking up" to the fact that I have dug myself into another pit. I am rather analytical by nature, so the past few days have been spent analyzing what happened and how I got here. I think I was actually hoping to find some new stumbling block or sneaky trick up the sleeve of my enemy, but nope! No new tricks. Just the same old stumbling blocks that trip me up every time...

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 1 John 2:15-16

Pride.

The definition of pride is "Proper respect for one's own dignity and worth; pleasure or satisfaction over something done, achieved, owned". For so long, I have underestimated pride. But again, I think we all seem to do that. With pride, we see some pride positively (applauding accomplishments and progress) and some negatively (criticizing outright bragging, boasting and excessive arrogance). Yet, God makes no distinction between "good pride" and "bad pride"...he always puts pride in the category of sin.

Pride is, in it's base form, self-worship. If we understand ourselves in light of His word, then we can hardly "respect our own dignity and worth". The only worth we have is because God loves us. In and of ourselves, there is nothing admirable, nothing good, nothing worthy! But God loves us just the same. An accurate understanding of our complete depravity is completely incongruent with any sense of self-worth or personal dignity. Humility, however, IS the natural response to understanding the truth of our humanity apart from Jesus Christ. And knowing God in His splendor and majesty for all He's created and all He's done will go a long way to remind us that there is NOTHING we have done or achieved apart from Him. We cannot even breathe apart from His grace. And certainly, God owns the cattle on a thousand hills...the entirety of creation belongs to Him! We own nothing. We bring nothing into this world and we shall bring nothing out!

So how has pride gotten me into trouble - AGAIN? Comparing myself to others, thinking more highly of myself than I ought to (in the name of 'confidence' and 'dignity'), thinking I achieved, could achieve or owned something, and a host of other ways has led me down the crooked path of pride straight into a pit!

See, pride, like any other sin, is enslaving. In those moments I am comparing myself to other wives and mothers or just other women, I step into the trap of a worldly standard. Suddenly other women's lives are better, they have things I want, they are more "together", and they do almost everything better than me. But now you say, "But Shannon...that isn't pride, is it?" Are you sure? Is my concern and comparison not motivated by self-dignity and a desire to achieve or own something? I can also boost my ego by thinking "I don't have it as bad as..... I've made better choices than.... My life isn't like.... " etc, etc, etc. The sin of pride is about the heart's selfish motivations.

What is the cure for pride? Repentance, forgiveness, and a good dose of humility. All of that can be found culminating in gratitude. We just came through the "Thanksgiving Season", in which many of us are finding ways to express our gratitude. There is little else that I can think of that more effectively remedies a proud heart faster than finding yourself face to face with your own depravity and looking around to see all that God has blessed you with. Air to breathe, a day to live and serve Him, family, friends, perhaps a job, a home, a car, running water, clothes, entertainment, a country without lethal persecution for religious preferences...the blessings are as countless as grains of sand on a beach. We don't own whatever we seem to have. We can't achieve anything outside of His grace. We can't even live apart from God's grace. Realizing that, like newborn babes, we are helpless, defenseless, and hopeless apart from Jesus Christ, humility has ground to grow in the light of gratitude and praise for such a tender, loving and compassionate God as our Father!

So I find myself at least with a path laid out before me to get away from this dark place in which I find myself. I'm still struggling though. Pride has roots that have grown into every area of my life. I am struggling with my attitude toward my husband (the opposite of submissive, let me tell you!), with finances, with discipline and self-control, and with so many other things as well. All these struggles blossomed out of my pride. I lost sight of how small I am and how BIG my Father is. I lost sight of how helpless and hopeless I am without Him. So I am praying for the Lord to heal my broken, sinful heart. I am praying He'll plow up the hardened soil of my heart and gratitude will take root instead.

What about you? Where is your heart with regard to accurately seeing your depraved self in light of a Holy, Perfect, and Just God? How much room does humility have in your perspective? How grateful are you for the very breath in your lungs right now? Let us not forget...

Proverbs 29:23, "A man's pride brings him low; but a man of lowly spirit gains honor." ...gotta love God's economy!

Dog Training: a lesson in temperament

So I'm learning a thing or two about dogs recently. I'll say that I am a very slow learner in this respect. I have little to no experience training dogs. My whole life, I think I've been more of a cat-person. :D But being that I'm severely allergic to cats, we have opted for the lesser allergen producer - the dog! :D Well, in our case...two dogs. Jack and Pepper.

Now Jack is what my husband lovingly refers to as a "lap-terrier". :D He's a rat terrier, supposedly a former show dog, and quite an easy dog to own. He's not especially keen on walking long distances and would rather cuddle in your lap all day. He's obedient (generally) and we really have no complaints about him. Like I said...easy dog to own.

But see, Jack was intended for Jonathan when we opted to take him in. But Jack really didn't take to Jonathan. I think Jonathan is like me...not that much of a dog person. So, I came up with the "brilliant" idea of getting a second dog and having Jonathan pick the dog. Well, he picked Pepper! We adopted Pepper from Operation Kindness a little over a year ago. Talk about a lesson that taught me how I know nothing about dogs!!!

I had the most difficult time house training her. I haven't really trained her to do much since then either, other than sit and walk on a leash. But thank the Lord she is not a difficult dog to train...just needs a better trainer than me! Well, I finally grew a brain cell in this dog-training thing and have realized that my training efforts have missed a vital part...consideration of her breed. Pepper is a Catahoula Leopard mix. She's a herding dog who needs lots of exercise, a natural protector, and a very interactive dog who doesn't like to be isolated.

Let's list some of my mistakes...bringing her in as #2 dog instead of #1, trying to crate train her (isolation), and not giving her lots and lots and lots of exercise. Throw in a few more ignorant things on my part and I'm thinking that the skittish, high anxiety dog I now own is a monstrous creation of my own hands! :( Now, we are changing up some things in order to help Pepper be the dog God created her to be...a herding dog who gets lots of exercise, little correction for being a protector (she doesn't yap, but punishing her for barking isn't good), and we're trading the crate for a bed to help her with her isolation anxiety.

I think this little lesson is applicable to life in general. As a wife and mom, it's important that I see the world as God's creation and stop trying to make everything (including people and pets) fit my mold. God designed everything and everyone with a specific temperament...a particular place in His world. Seeing creation for what it is and letting that creature thrive according to His design is much more productive, and not to mention produces less anxiety for everyone, than trying to make something into what it's not.

So for all you fellow control addicts out there...take note of your surroundings and see with new eyes today. God created us all with a specific purpose in mind and our challenge is to do what we can to work in union with God's purpose and plan. Look at your spouse, your children, even your pets and see that each of them has a unique design; put aside your plan and expectations and ask what you can do to work with God in His ways and according to His purposes!

Read: Genesis 1, note how many times God created each thing "according to its kind"...and how many times He says, "It was good".

Stress

With my stress level having hit the roof and then beyond in the past few days, I am reminded of exactly why the Lord commands us to keep the Sabbath Holy! I think so many Christians think of the Sabbath as an outdated command or 'too Jewish' or something too insignificant for heartfelt obedience. But NOTHING in God's word was ever given to us without reason...each word was penned just for us as an investment of His love and care for each of us. And that means Deuteronomy 5:12-15

"Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the LORD your God has commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor the alien within your gates, so that your manservant and maidservant may rest, as you do. Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the LORD your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day."

What a picture the Lord has given us here...First, a picture of urgence toward not being lazy. SIX days you shall labor and do ALL your work. But next, a picture of rest..."the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord and NO ONE does ANY work. Why? Because God wants us to remember that we have been freed from slavery. He's reminding His children that not so long ago, they were slaves in Egypt and because of His mighty hand of redemption, they have been freed! THAT's why we are commanded to observe the Sabbath day as a Holy day.

While of course it is still important to commune with our Lord daily, one day a week is a special day set aside for rejuvenation. The importance of this command has become so apparent to me in the last couple of weeks because I haven't taken much of a break from my full time job, my part time job, and the job of moving and arranging our new home. I'm not sleeping much and I'm putting everything I have into each and every waking hour. Busy, busy, busy, busy. For the short run, I was fine with that pace, even driven. But it was a sprint and I had forgotten life is a marathon. In the past couple of days I have crashed pretty hard because I was trying to keep up my sprinting. My attitude is awful and my communing with the Lord is next to nothing. That has meant the life has drained right on out of me and fast!

So this morning, the Lord reminded me that there is a reason for His commands and it's not just for the sake of obedience. My "busy, busy, busyness" is slavery. But....His mighty hand has freed me from slavery! So as a means of reminding myself of that...as a means of praising Him for my freedom...and as a means of rejuvenating my mind, body and spirit...I ought to keep the Sabbath Holy! Now, I'm not saying I know whether that day should be Saturday or Sunday or some other day, but I know in my heart that setting aside one day a week is a command I can't overlook because it is one of the many ways in which God breathes His life into me!

What about you? Are you feeling stressed about anything? Have you kept the Sabbath Holy? Perhaps you too could benefit from being reminded that busyness is slavery and God has provided the means of freedom! :D God bless you and keep you rejuvenated!