Staying the Course

As a Christian, do you ever find yourself "backsliding"? I have not yet met any Christian who claims not to have fallen down after beginning the journey of living out that relationship with Jesus. I am no exception!

So here I am - "backslidden" and not such a happy camper about it. Busyness is my biggest weak link in the chain of staying on course. As a wife, mother, employee, friend, and seemingly dozens of other "hats" worn throughout my day, it is more than easy to get caught up in busyness. In those times, I often lose sight of my priorities in the flurry of activities and "to-do lists". I miss out on the tender stillness of time spent in real fellowship with Jesus. My relationship with Him becomes just another thing to check off my list...even in those times I put it on the top of that list. Then, is it any wonder that I find myself far from the Lord, disconnected, and thirsty for the Living Water?

While I would love to give a solution for this pervasive problem, I have none. Staying the course, for me, has meant finding myself here, trying to pinpoint where I went awry, implementing protective hedges, and trying again. No magical wand, no one scripture to memorize, no one thing to "do better"...just the realization that I need to 1) be somewhere other than where I am and 2) be someone I can only be while in fellowship with the Lord Jesus. I have thought that perhaps I was missing something in my protective hedges, but the reality is, we have an enemy that studies us far more than I think we study him and he is clever at finding holes in our armor. In the end, the way to stay out of harms way is by seeking refuge in the Lord. Dying to self, dying to the fleshly nature at war within us, is a daily transformation!

So if you and I will stop right now and think about what today really is - a day of spiritual battling - will we get up and fight or are we going to lay down and play dead? If you are anything like me, you'd rather lay down. It takes effort to do battle. It takes stamina to do battle. It takes a willingness to stay the course. Are we willing? Can we stop in our tracks, no matter how comfortable the deviation, and return to the right course? For both our sake's, I pray so!

God bless each of you and may we all stay on course today!!

Hebrews 10:19-23

Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

Being a Big Girl

I've been listening to a Mary Kay CD by Gloria Mayfield recently, and something she said has really struck me. She talked about making "Big Girl Decisions". Decisions about attitude and outlook and activities. Decisions about business, but also about life. In addition, I've been reflecting on Proberbs 31:10-31, the passage about being a wife of noble character. The proverbs 31 wife is a definitely a "big girl". But where is the application of "being a big girl"...I mean, doesn't that come with age. I'm 30, so you would think I would know how to think and act like a "big girl". But I'm beginning to think it is a little more complicated than just aging.

Proverbs 31 definitely doesn't mention anything about age...it talks about her actions, her reputation, and her attitude! And while it is a pretty "heavy" resume, I think the Lord wants us to be the kind of woman we find in proverbs 31: hardworking, confident, service-minded, charitable, wise, discerning, fearless, industrious, dignified, strong, carrying a sense of humor, and reverent. I don't see that as impossible for any women! But we will not, dare I say "cannot", exemplify any of those things without maturing beyond "little girl" attitudes and behaviors.

I can look back over my life and see where I was wounded as a little girl and it "handicapped" me growing into adulthood. When we are wounded as children, we have to recognize the hurt, deal with it and allow the Lord to heal us so that we can continue on in this life in a healthy manner. I've come to see that I'm still working on this process. Lately, I have not felt like much of a "big girl". Internally, I am throwing some serious "fits" as of late! Struggling with selfishness, pride, and all kinds of heart ugliness! :( And while I didn't recognize it at first, I am beginning to see this as the Lord pulling back some more layers in my life to reveal areas in which He longs to heal and change, restore and renew. I have to say though...I'm not really liking it. Growing up is hard to do!

I've had to make all kinds of "big girl decisions" lately. Decisions about my attitude and whether or not I'm going to let a "bad moment" become a "bad day". Decisions about whether I'm going to do the things I need to do on a daily basis or give excuses as to why I can't. Decisions about whether or not I will whine or complain. Decisions about how I care for and care about those around me. Decisions about money and time. Decisions about words. So many decisions that I have to admit, it has been rather overwhleming. But really, it's all part of my "big girl" life now. I'm not a little girl anymore (and haven't been for some time now). lol

Do you ever feel like that? Like you'd much rather throw a little girl fit than walk upright and make your big girl decision for the moment? Do you ever find yourself NOT biting your tongue and holding back those choice words that flow so easily from the dagger in your mouth to the heart of your husband, child or friend? Do you ever find yourself pouting or creating drama just because someone did something and your feelings are hurt? I think it's time we all recognize our "little girl" tendencies and grow up to be the "big girls" we really are!!

God bless you and may we all be a little more like "Big Girls" today!

The Graces of Motherhood

I've been reflecting lately on my job as a mother. I have so many blessings that have helped me as of late: my employer granting me a new schedule, tons of resources and testimonies, and most of all, the Lord Himself! All things are working together for the good of parenting my son! It's amazing to see how much he's grown. He'll be six years old at the end of this year! Six years have flown by, and I admit I am ashamed that more of those years than not, have been less than intentional when it comes to parenting (training my son up in what I know to be biblical in nature). Yet, after two and a half years of learning what it means to be intentional, I am so blessed to know I'm on the right track to really getting to the heart of parenting...leaving a Christ-centered legacy.

What does that legacy mean? It means I am to teach and train, but most of all - MODEL my relationship with Christ in front of my children. When I do that, I am investing scripture, behavior examples, and valuable life skills for my son to carry with him throughout the rest of his life. At the end of each day, I want to lay my head on the pillow knowing that I did what I could to show him what Jesus is like and how the relationship with Jesus works in the day-to-day. What an incredibly difficult and challenging job! One I could never, in a million years, get even close to right without Jesus' power driving me on every day!

The latest victory was one where Jonathan decided to throw a particularly terrible fit. I thank the Lord that I not only seemed calmed and peaceful through the whole ordeal - I actually WAS calm and peaceful through the whole ordeal!! I was able to use some recently acquired skills and tips in helping him see that he was choosing to do the wrong thing. The whole thing lasted well over an hour, but ended with my son repenting and accepting the consequences for his actions. It was truly a beautiful thing! What used to end with both of us in tears and frustration, ended with smiles and a new beginning! Not because I'm some kind of super-mom, but because God is empowering me to be intentional, consistent, and patient. The Lord has put wise people in my path and great parenting resources based on His word in my hands. But most of all, the Lord has given me grace to make it thus far!! Five and half years of tantrums. Years of tears and frustration and disappointment...feeling like a failure as a mom. And now, by grace...I'm learning and making progress.

Is it perfect? Oh my - no way!!! Is it even close? Nope! But I can see changes in my household's peace level. I see a son who is becoming more and more willing to take ownership for his actions and to say he's sorry. A son who is learning that making bad choices hurts - sin hurts!! And I love it. I love seeing the progress.

For any mom who has come to the end of herself, to the end of patience, to the end of sanity! I know that feeling. I know how discouraging it can be to feel like what you're doing isn't making a bit of difference. To think that if another day like this comes any time soon, you just won't make it and your child probably won't either! But I've learned that there is ALWAYS HOPE!! There is always more to learn, more to apply, and an abundance of strength and patience to recieve for the job at hand.

But I've also learned, that you can't do any of it without grace. Without giving yourself room to be imperfect, or heaven forbid - outright fail! Giving yourself room to mess up without being convinced that somehow your kid will be messed up for life becuase you didn't play out a particular scene with Super-Nanny flawlessness will go a long way in helping you keep your chin up, your eyes a bit drier, and your heart a little less burdened. And when you receive grace, you are so much more likely to GIVE grace! Which is a key ingredient in training our children!

Parenting is too hard a job to try to do it without grace, so please stop going that route if you are. Be the best you can be, but let God do the hard part. Just be available to Him to be used to your full, God-given parenting potential!! It's really the laws of the harvest. We reap WHAT we sow. We reap WHERE we sow. We reap MORE than we sow. We reap LATER than we sow. If you invest in your children the righteousness of Christ, you will, by promise of the Lord, be blessed. You will see more than you ever invested blossom in their lives! But patience is key...it's a long wait sometimes. Perhaps days, weeks, months or even years. But keep it all in perspective...think eternally and you will find that there is so much more joy to be had in motherhood!!